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DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old bisexual female who has been in a relationship with my 38-year-old boyfriend for a year. I am in love with him and ready to move forward in the relationship.
We have discussed moving in together and possibly marriage. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that he hasn’t been completely truthful about his sexuality. I believe he, too, is bisexual, which I’m OK with, but I don’t know how to approach the conversation without making him defensive or sounding insulting. What do I do? — OWNING IT IN OHIO
DEAR OWNING IT: Because bisexual individuals are attracted to both men and women doesn’t mean they cannot be monogamous. Since you suspect that your boyfriend may be bi, start a conversation by expressing that you are attracted to both sexes. Then ask if this may be something you have in common. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Wade,” and I were expecting our first child and couldn’t wait to tell the news to our family and friends. But my boyfriend can’t keep a secret, and before we told our parents, he told his best friend and his wife. Wade told them to not tell anyone since we still hadn’t reached the 12-week mark.
A month later, I found out they told Wade’s ex-girlfriend I was pregnant. I was extremely upset, because it wasn’t their business to tell, ESPECIALLY to Wade’s ex. It doesn’t sit right with me that his ex found out I was pregnant before my parents did.
When Wade confronted them, they denied it, saying the ex already knew. But my sister-in-law confirmed that the ex also reached out to her and asked if we were expecting because the best friend’s wife had told her we were.
I felt betrayed. Wade cut that couple off and uninvited them to the gender reveal/baby shower, which upset them, so they unfriended us on social media.
The situation continued to weigh heavy on my conscience. I mean, Wade’s ex was going to find out eventually. So I tried to be the peacemaker and messaged the couple asking if we could meet to clear up misunderstandings and told them their friendship means a lot to us.
They didn’t respond. I left it at that and haven’t reached out again. It’s been six months. Did I overreact and destroy a friendship just because of my pregnancy hormones? — BRAND-NEW MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR MOM: I don’t think so. You reacted the way you did because someone you trusted spilled the beans about your pregnancy. Not only that, but she also leaked the news to your husband’s ex-girlfriend after being asked to keep her lip zipped. Then, when confronted about it, she lied to you about it. These are not the hallmarks of a good friend whose judgment (or word) you can trust. It shouldn’t have been your responsibility to be the peacemaker. She owes you and your husband an apology. You did not overreact because of your hormones; you reacted the way you did because you have good sense.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
