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“Why aren’t you drinking?” may have officially joined the list of questions you shouldn’t ask at a holiday party, according to a new poll.
In a survey of 2,000 Americans aged 21 and older who drink alcohol, more than half (52%) said it’s inappropriate to ask someone why they’re not drinking at a holiday gathering.
And surprisingly, it was baby boomers — not Gen Z — who took the strongest stance, with three-quarters of boomers (74%) considering the question inappropriate, compared with 37% of Gen Z.
Conducted by Talker Research on behalf of the International Alliance for Responsible Drinking, the study explored the dos and don’ts of holiday drinking, generational differences in party etiquette and how Americans are approaching moderation and personal choice during the festive season.
The findings suggest that the unwritten rules of holiday celebrations may be changing, with greater emphasis on respecting personal preferences rather than expecting everyone to drink the same way.
According to the results, nearly two-thirds (63%) consider pressuring someone to have another drink to be poor etiquette, while overindulging in alcohol (59%) and commenting on how much someone is drinking (50%) also ranked among the biggest holiday party faux pas in the study.
Expecting everyone to participate in a round (49%) and automatically refilling someone’s glass without asking (48%) also made the list. But while Americans appear increasingly united on what constitutes poor drinking etiquette, the reality of navigating holiday gatherings isn’t quite so straightforward.
Moderation tops Americans’ holiday priorities
When it comes to their own drinking decisions, Americans appear to be thinking beyond what’s in their glass. More than half (53%) say moderation will shape their drinking behavior at holiday events, ahead of taste (46%) and socializing (43%).
And when asked to choose the single most important consideration, moderation again came out on top at 40%, compared with taste (30%) and cost (12%).
“Moderation and celebration can go hand in hand,” said Julian Braithwaite, chief executive officer at the International Alliance for Responsible Drinking. “It is encouraging that moderation tops the priorities of the adults we surveyed, alongside such strong support for making their own decisions about whether and how much to drink.”
The psychology behind holiday party “don’ts”
In the study, an overwhelming 91% said it’s important to make their own decisions about drinking, without feeling influenced by others.
And most appear confident doing just that. Nearly three-quarters (74%) feel comfortable being the first to stop drinking at a holiday party, while 77% are comfortable not drinking when most other guests are.
Yet despite this confidence, 40% still report feeling some pressure to drink when others are drinking. And younger generations appear to be acutely aware of what others are doing at the party.
The generational divide doesn’t stop there. Baby boomers were also more likely to say that not drinking at social gatherings has become more socially acceptable over the past five years (60%), compared with just 37% of Gen Z. And nearly a quarter of Gen Z (23%) say they pay a lot of attention to whether others are drinking at a party, while 51% of baby boomers say they pay no attention at all.
That said, the data also showed that younger adults are becoming more confident about making their own choices, with more than half of Gen Z (55%) reporting they’re now more comfortable declining a drink than they were previously, compared with 42% of baby boomers.
The findings suggest that while younger drinkers may face greater social expectations, they’re also becoming more confident in navigating them.
The new rules of hosting: Something for everyone
It’s not just guests who are navigating changing expectations. Hosts may also need to rethink what makes a successful holiday gathering.
The survey found that an overwhelming 82% believe hosts should provide appealing non-alcoholic drink options, suggesting that offering guests a choice is becoming an important part of good hospitality.
And these alternatives aren’t just for those avoiding alcohol altogether. Nearly half of respondents (46%) say they would choose a non-alcoholic beer, wine, spirit, or cocktail alternative at a holiday party.
Once again, younger generations are leading the way. More than half of Gen Z (58%) would choose one of these alternatives, compared with just 34% of baby boomers.
The findings also suggest that good hosting in the modern era means knowing when not to offer another drink. Nearly half (45%) said asking before refilling someone’s glass is the most polite approach, while 26% believe guests should be left to refill their own.
“Good hospitality makes room for everyone,” said Braithwaite. “Offering appealing choices, including alcohol-free options, helps guests enjoy the occasion in the way that suits them. Whether someone chooses to have a drink, drink less or not drink at all, the focus should be on enjoying time together.”
Americans’ drinking etiquette no-nos at holiday gatherings:
- Pressuring someone to have another drink — 63%
- Overindulging in alcohol — 59%
- Commenting on how much someone is drinking — 50%
- Expecting everyone to participate in a round — 49%
- Automatically refilling someone’s glass without asking — 48%
- Commenting on how little someone is drinking — 45%
- Bringing alcohol to an event without asking the host — 38%
- Asking someone why they switched to a non-alcoholic drink — 38%
Research methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 US adults 21+ who drink, evenly split by generation, who have access to the internet; the survey was commissioned by the International Alliance for Responsible Drinking and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Oct. 13 and Oct. 22, 2026.
