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DEAR ABBY: I’m a 44-year-old man, and as I reflect on my life, there’s no way to describe it except as a failure. As a teenager, I didn’t apply myself in school for a number of reasons, partly due to being the target of bullying. (I have Asperger’s and have always been socially awkward.)
In my 20s, I made poor financial choices and then resorted to fraud to make ends meet. As a result, I served time in prison and have a felony record. Right now, I work in a warehouse. The pay is decent, but the work is menial and repetitive, and I know I’m capable of much more.
As a child, I dreamed of running for office someday, but that obviously can’t happen now. I did study criminal justice for a year after high school in hopes of being a policeman because I wanted to help others. With my age and rap sheet, that’s also a no. I’ve wanted to go back to school, but I have no idea what I’d study or what career path to choose. I’ve never married, and I live alone, while my closest friends all have families.
Pretty much any path I’d find fulfilling is not feasible, and I feel so lost, depressed and rudderless. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. Do you have any insights, ideas or resources that could help me find a path? — LOOKING FOR A FUTURE
DEAR LOOKING: Search online at the city, county or state level to find a career counselor who specializes in helping individuals with criminal records. They may provide aptitude tests, interest assessments, and even scholarship and grant information.
If you don’t feel that would be helpful, you may be able to find purpose in volunteering. You wouldn’t be able to work with children or the elderly, but animal shelters, food banks and homeless shelters would likely welcome your assistance. (Disclose your record when you apply to avoid giving the appearance that you’re trying to hide it.)
Getting out there and keeping busy may elevate your mood, and it may also give you some insight into careers or areas of study that might interest you in the next chapter of your life.
DEAR ABBY: I am dating after being widowed. I look around, but men just won’t keep themselves clean! They are attractive, handsome, successful, nice, intelligent, healthy, wise and sexy. But for heaven’s sake, take a shower before you come to see me! Put on a clean shirt, clean shoes and smell good! If you can’t even do that, just don’t bother coming. Abby, please remind men about this for me. Thank you. — WELL-GROOMED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WELL-GROOMED: I’m pleased to print your message, and I think you have expressed this as well as I could. Few women want to embrace a man who smells like a goat. When a man is courting, one would think he’d present himself in the best light he can. This includes taking a shower and changing clothes before seeing her so he doesn’t have to be downwind.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
