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DEAR ABBY: My fiance gets annoyed and calls it weird that I talk to my daughter every morning on my way to work and in the afternoon on my way home. She’s a wife and young mother of two, ages 1 and 4. I’m proud of how well she is doing.
I work full time, and she works part time. We’re both always busy, so we don’t see each other as often as we’d like, even though we live in the same town. At 25, my daughter is becoming my best friend. I love helping her through decisions, ideas, etc. I don’t agree with my fiance that this is “weird.” I believe mothers and daughters who are close do this.
What’s your opinion about this? How can I better explain to my fiance that this isn’t taking anything away from him? — MOTHERING IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR MOTHERING: You are extremely fortunate to have such a warm relationship with your daughter. You can explain this until you’re blue in the face, but if your fiance feels that he, and not your daughter, should be your best friend, it will be like talking to a wall.
From where I sit, for your fiance to dictate how often you talk with your daughter — when you’re not with him — is more than a little bit controlling. It’s time to ask yourself if his need to control manifests itself in other ways. If it does, you may want to reconsider his status as fiance.
DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors keeps their dog tied outside for long periods of time. I often see him shivering and pacing, and he barks and cries late into the night. I don’t know my neighbor well, and I don’t want to cause conflict or make assumptions. At the same time, it’s hard to ignore what I’m seeing and hearing, especially when the temperatures drop below freezing. I’ve thought about saying something or even reporting it, but I worry about overstepping or making the situation worse. What’s the right thing to do? — CONCERNED IN THE COLD
DEAR CONCERNED: You can’t possibly make the situation worse, so why not try to make it better? Research the appropriate authority for your area (usually Animal Control) and report what you’ve seen and heard. It’s up to them to determine whether your neighbor’s actions constitute abuse and what to do from there. If you do, you’ll feel better and you may save the poor animal from a lifetime of suffering.
DEAR ABBY: A dear friend of mine, “Connie,” told me of a situation she has with her husband. This man will not let her use his cellphone in an emergency. He said his phone is for his private use only. When Connie and her husband moved to a different state, he stayed behind and followed the family several days later. Do you think Connie should have concerns about her marriage? — CURIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CURIOUS: What you and I think matters far less than what Connie thinks. Between you and me, I find that people who act in a secretive way usually have something to hide. However, you should not stir the pot. If you want to be helpful, stay out of it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
