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DEAR ABBY: I’m 34 years old and have been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder. I have been in treatment for years with a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I take my medication daily as instructed. I do not drink or use drugs. I am committed to my mental health to prove that people like me can lead full lives.
My family wants me to stay where they live forever, but I dream of moving back down south, where I lived on my own before. I loved the culture, art, weather, and friends. Whenever I bring it up, they dismiss it. I think they’re afraid that I will start hallucinating again and not have a support system there.
I will be graduating soon from a master’s program in counseling, and I look at jobs online all the time. Is it wise to move away from my family with my disorder? Do I sit them down and explain that I was my happiest when I lived there and want to return? I love them and don’t want to hurt them. I think if I have a plan in place and stay on track with medication, it would be safe. — CONFLICTED IN THE NORTH
DEAR CONFLICTED: Have you discussed this with your therapist and psychiatrist? If they both sign off on the move, your family will have less cause for concern. Bring a family spokesperson with you and have your therapist go over the support plan for your new environment. The spokesperson can then help you ease the worries of the rest of the family.
If, however, your care providers don’t think it’s wise to move right now, please listen to them. Ask them to outline some milestones you can work toward to make moving south a healthier goal for the future.
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DEAR ABBY: My brother died a year ago. I have been visiting his widow, “Cheryl,” twice a month ever since. She lives an hour away and doesn’t get around very well. I drive to her house, and I treasure my time with her. She was the love of my brother’s life.
My problem is my sister, “Kate.” Kate is self-centered, whiny, disruptive, and generally unpleasant. I spend as little time as possible with her. I know that as soon as she finds out about them, Kate will expect to be included in my visits with Cheryl.
I haven’t mentioned them, as I would rather not include her. What I would like to see happen is for Kate to come up with her own plan to visit with Cheryl. I love Kate and don’t want to hurt her, but on the other hand, I don’t want her to ruin my visits with Cheryl either. What should I do? — BAD SISTER IN MISSOURI
DEAR SISTER: There’s no reason for you to hurt your sister’s feelings. Tell Kate you feel one-on-one visits with your brother’s grieving widow are more beneficial than overwhelming her with additional company. Then (with Cheryl’s permission) suggest that Kate call Cheryl and make some plans to visit with her on her own. If Kate argues, see if you can get Cheryl to back you up.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
