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DEAR ABBY: I have experienced something that other women I know have said they have also experienced. I dated a man for a year. We became very close and fell in love. He was sweet, loving and kind in every way. Before I would commit to marriage, I made sure we had discussions about respect and what I expected from a life partner.
The change in my (now) husband was instantaneous with our marriage and severe. He became someone I didn’t know and never would have married. He is argumentative, petty and a bully. I feel as if I’ve been lied to. What happened? — CONFOUNDED IN OREGON
DEAR CONFOUNDED: What happened is while your husband was courting you, he put only his best foot forward, concealing who he really is. If the person he now shows himself to be isn’t someone you would have married, end the emotional abuse and the bullying by ensuring he can’t hide assets to which you may be entitled and talking to a lawyer about freeing yourself from this marriage to a stranger.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a divorced father of a 27-year-old daughter. I recently found out she is being married in four months. Of course, I couldn’t be happier.
I told my daughter that although I am not rich by any means, I would be glad to chip in what I could for her wedding. When I asked if I could invite a few friends and their spouses, she said I could, but I would have to pay for their plates. I was shocked. What do I do or say? — DISAPPOINTED DAD IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR DAD: Your daughter, the happy bride, is the person who gets to set the rules for her wedding. Because you learned about her wedding only after the plans were set, I sense there may have been some estrangement. You were generous to offer to help defray the expenses of the celebration, but if you want to include your friends, you will have to pay for the additional cost of feeding them. Perhaps some of your contribution could be earmarked to cover this expense.
DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker who eats canned sardines on top of his salad every day. I know they are high in protein and could be considered healthy, but they stink. He already covers his salad with red onion and balsamic vinegar, and the smell almost takes me out. If that’s not bad enough, he literally slurps the remaining oil after he has finished the salad.
How should I tell him it stinks, or at least ask him to stop drinking the oil like it’s water? — SMELLS FISHY IN IOWA
DEAR SMELLS: You didn’t mention where this feast for the senses is taking place. Is there no way to distance yourself from the stench or stagger your lunch breaks so as to avoid the situation?
If not, you may want to rally support from other co-workers who feel the same and approach your supervisor or human resources. Ask that a rule be enacted about strong-smelling foods in shared spaces. HR should be able to work out a compromise that allows everyone to enjoy their lunch in peace.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
