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Tatum O’Neal’s eldest son, Kevin McEnroe, is detailing how her substance abuse struggles often affected their relationship.
“I call you Tatum, sometimes, because you weren’t always a mom, although when you were you were at your best, and that’s why you’re still here, today,” McEnroe, 39, wrote in a pre-Mother’s Day letter shared via his website on Thursday, May 7. “I call you Tatum because your name is Tatum but also because it was a reminder that maybe, sometimes, I needed more, but that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere — I know me leaving has always made you scared.”
He continued, “I called you Tatum, most of my life — and sometimes still do — because you liked to say we were friends. I called you Tatum because you were happiest — or at least you smiled the most — when someone called you my sister. I call you Tatum because sometimes I miss my mom.”
O’Neal, 62, shares Kevin, as well as daughter Emily, 34, and son Sean, 38, with her ex-husband, John McEnroe. The actress and John, 67, were married from 1984 to 1994, during which the former tennis champ gained primary custody of their kids amid O’Neal’s struggles with addiction.
As for Kevin, he remembered the fond memories of his mom ahead of Mother’s Day on Sunday, May 10.
“Today I can call you Mama, and I do. When I was little, you were my mom, until your boyfriend gave you heroin,” he wrote. “You were my mom when you were clean, between rehabs, but then sometimes you were Tatum, too. Tatum used to leave in the middle of the night and sometimes not come back before morning. Tatum didn’t have a choice.”
Kevin continued, “I used to think Tatum took my mom away. Now I think Mom and Tatum just wanted something different. I think Mom and Tatum didn’t always get along.”
Tatum O’Neal and son Kevin McEnroe son Kevin McEnroe attend a special screening of “The Wrestler” in December 2008. Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images
According to Kevin, he believes that “taking care” of O’Neal could “actually help me” amid his own struggles with alcoholism.
“I answer your calls, even though there are plenty,” he wrote in his essay. “I arrange your doctor’s appointments, even though you go just to be seen. I order your groceries, even though you’re addicted to granola. I love you even though sometimes you make it hard.”
O’Neal suffered a relapse in November 2024, eventually getting sober again.
“I’m proud of you. I’ve never really seen you, at anything, really try. But you do today,” Kevin stated. “Sometimes I call you and you’re busy and you don’t have time for me. Somehow that feels less like Tatum and more like my mom. … I believe in you. But also that doesn’t matter — you have to believe in you. It doesn’t matter how much you love me if that doesn’t help you try.”
Kevin further stressed that he has “unconditional” love for his mother.
“Mom — I love you for who you are. I don’t care, and I guess that’s what they mean when they say unconditional,” he stated. “A wiser person than me once told me there’s no such thing as unconditional love. If you get punched in the face you might pull away — that’s a condition. But you did that a lot, and you still can, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact I respect your fight. I’ll still help you, Tatum, because you’re my mom. I forgive you, and you forgive me, and we forgive others, because we have to.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
