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Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My husband’s mother’s health is declining, and he wants to move her in so we can care for her. I want to support him and do the right thing. But we’ve never been close, and she’s always been judgmental toward me. How do you balance compassion and support with your own comfort and boundaries?
Grandma Gail: I think she’s going to have to make room for her mother in law, because it means something to her husband. Although depending on how ill your mother-in-law is — if she could live another 20 years, then I don’t know if it’s such a smart move. But if she’s really in, a last stage of life, I think that would mean a lot to her husband.
Kim: You don’t want to walk around your house on eggshells — like, oh, this person is going to invade my space and potentially be mean to me.
Grandma Gail: I don’t think she has the ability to do this anymore. It sounds like she’s quite ill.
Kim: You can be ill and mean.
Grandma Gail: (laughs) Well, that’s true, that’s true. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. She’s an older parent and you have to take care of her.
Kim: I think you have to support the generations above you and be there for family. But if it’s a 10 or 20 year live with us situation, I don’t know, maybe there is a place nearby.
Grandma Gail: Oh, I don’t want you to be my daughter, that’s for sure. You’re gone. I’m not moving in with you!
Kim: Sorry! Or I’ll just get a really big house.
Grandma Gail: No, I’m moving in with your mom.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and recently realized I may be bisexual. I love my marriage and don’t want to change it, but part of me is curious about exploring my attraction to women. Do I need to bring this up to my husband? And how do you even begin the conversation without disrupting a long, happy marriage?
Kim: That’s hard.
Grandma Gail: I don’t think this is a question for grandma.
Kim: You have not had this experience, obviously, and you usually talk from your life experience. But I do think it’s like with anything that might disrupt the status quo, how do you talk to someone about it? And I think it’s like, how much is it really weighing on you?
Grandma Gail: Well, I also think she better be seeing a professional before she brings this up with her husband and make sure she really is bisexual. Maybe it’s a fantasy that she’s imagining. I mean, make sure that this is really her true feelings and then she better discuss it with her partner. I don’t know that this going to turn out well.
Kim: Well, what if it’s not a fantasy?
Grandma Gail: If it’s a reality, she has to talk to her partner.
Kim: Absolutely. And if he says, you know what, it’s all right. Go feel out your feelings and test it all out. Go with it. But I would be very careful in this.
Grandma Gail: She could be ruining her her marriage completely.
Kim: Can’t you say I’m bisexual but not want to ruin your marriage? Like you can still express your desire and not want to cheat on your husband, right? She’s just saying she’s bisexual, but she still loves her marriage and she doesn’t want to change.
Grandma Gail: I think this should have been discovered before she got married and got into a 15 year relationship? It’s too late. She better make sure that this is her actual intentions. If it is, talk to her partner and I think she better call a divorce lawyer.
Kim: Oh, geez.
Grandma Gail: No, I I think she’s in the wrong thing. I mean, her husband’s not going to want to go along with this. She better find out really what’s in her heart and what she really wants. And if she really loves her husband, you know what? You’ll have to repress it.
Kim: I would never say repressing. If your goal isn’t to end your marriage and like, I think it would be okay to be open with your husband. But if it’s because you want to have sexual experiences with other people — whether that’s with men or women — you’re digressing from your marriage. I would spend some time thinking about like what the end goal is.
Grandma Gail: And she’s got to talk to somebody professionally.
Kim: Okay. You said that three times.
Grandma Gail: I’m emphasizing it because I don’t think this is this is not a casual problem. This is a very serious issue.
