Weather 
00:00:00
Who are you to each other? Can you tell me about your– I’ve never met her before. I don’t know you. Who are you? She just showed up at my house. Stranger danger. Oof. Actually, we’ve known each other since preschool, since we were two. And we grew up both in Scottsdale, Arizona, went to high school together, which is really where we formed our big, big bond. And freshman year of high school. We were both in the musical Gypsy. She played a newsboy. And I played a stripper.
00:00:31
And from there– We were weird theater kids. And we had the time of our lives. We were inseparable. And actually, what’s so funny, and we talk about it all the time. But we had this goodbye moment at the end of our high school senior year where we sat in– we both had–
00:00:48
It was very dramatic. We both had Volkswagen beetles. We sat in one of ours. It was yours. It was mine. And we said goodbye. Like it was the last time we were ever going to see each other. Because at that point, she was leaving for Marymount, Manhattan. And I was leaving for the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music. And we thought, we’ll never see each other again. Two days later, we were off to our colleges, crying dramatically. And little did we know that a year later, I would transfer to her college, where we would end up living together. And we would graduate from college together.
00:01:21
She became best friends with all of my best friends that I had made at college. And now, we’re this group. We call each other the Ziggies. They’re our ride or dies. So one thing that’s really special is our high school friends are in our circle. And our college friends are in our circle, which is really special. And then after we graduated, I moved to New York. Adrien moved to New York for a hot second. And then she moved to LA. And I’ve been in LA for about 15 years. Up until last year, which is really kismet because that is when Jen was diagnosed with cancer. So yeah, I moved here. And then six months later, she tells me she has a lump in her breast. And I was nervous about it. But I wasn’t sure– it felt hormonal. Like maybe it was due to my period was being weird. I didn’t know. And we were at a random diner in New Jersey with my daughter and her niece.
00:02:16
Where I felt her up. No, I said, Adrien, come with me to the bathroom. I want you to feel this thing. I’m like, freaking out a little bit. But I don’t know. And she’s like, I can just feel it here. I was like, no, come into the bathroom. I want you to really feel it. And yeah, that was the beginning. It was there. She was like, it’s fine. So I tagged along with her to her mammogram. And that was something her husband wasn’t thrilled about because he was like, I should go to your mammogram. You have a lump. And– I don’t know. I just was like, it feels very girly. It feels like, there’s no men in the mammogram waiting room. I don’t think you need to come.
00:02:54
It worked out so well. It worked out well. Because one, they don’t let men back in the mammogram area.
00:03:01
They let me come. Two, I’m so happy I had her come. What if I didn’t? That was the day they told me I had cancer, which is insane. What would I do? And I was sitting there. What would I have done if she wasn’t there? Yeah, I was standing there. She actually opened the door. Because they wouldn’t let me into the mammogram. Yeah, or the radiation guy room. Yeah, but she came out and open door and was, like, I have cancer. And I started to feel lightheaded. She came out and told me. And then I saw her radiologist walk down the hallway. And I told her, but you don’t because. I said, OK, fine, you go talk to him. Go talk to him. So she marches into the little radiologist’s office. And I was like, excuse me. Hi, her hormones have been off. Her period’s been weird. I actually think the lump is hormonal. And he was like–
00:03:52
And he was not funny. No.
00:03:54
He is very serious. He wasn’t a vibe.
00:03:56
No, he wasn’t. And he was like, no, man. He said, she has a bi-rads score of five, which is highly suspicious for breast cancer. I’m a shell of myself.
00:04:08
I fell to the floor. She faints. She faints, which is perfect. And so we have this forever moment locked in stone of when she found out. And then I never left her side ever since, which is really what the big twist was that our friendship took a new turn and went to another level. I mean, we were both like, what do we do now? This is insane. I literally said to Adrien, as we were leaving the mammogram place, I said, how am I supposed to go home right now? And she’s like, I don’t know.
00:04:45
I said, I have no idea. Which I think is something we talk about a lot with, like, when people ask for advice, don’t fake–
00:04:52
Don’t be like, oh, you’re going to be OK. Oh, it’s going to– We didn’t know if I was going to die. We didn’t know if there was cancer all over my body. We knew nothing. It’s a very scary time. And– We just sat in it. Yeah. I just went home and forced myself to go to sleep and pretend– I don’t know. And I, luckily, was scheduled for an MRI and biopsy the next day. I say luckily, like, oh, I get to have a biopsy. But–
00:05:18
That’s not common. No, I’m saying it like if it wasn’t a cancer thing, no one’s excited to get a needle shoved into your boob. But it was the best of the bad vibes because I was able to find out more details of what was happening in my body. But point is, a lot of the time, people get there. They go to get their mammogram and ultrasound, and then maybe two months later that they get an MRI and a biopsy. So you’re sitting in that scary world for a very long time. I happen to be very lucky. I met this very nice woman as I was panicked, saying, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? And she took me back into her office. And I don’t know, she was my fairy godmother. And she pushed something. She didn’t know me. I didn’t know her. But that’s when I broke down. And the shell was removed a little bit. And she said, you’ve got this. You’ve got to fight. Like, that stuff you see in a movie. And here I was like, OK.
00:06:23
Meanwhile, I’m on the floor in the other room. Yeah. And they wouldn’t help her because she wasn’t a patient. Yeah. But that led us to where we are now, which is our Instagram and starting our Instagram. So as we were– when you’re diagnosed, it’s very scary. That first week is terrifying because you don’t know. Once they have more of the details, your oncologist and your breast surgeon put a plan together, a treatment plan, which also sounds scary. But it actually makes it a little less terrifying. You have a plan. You have something you need to be doing. And you can get more of a grip on what’s happening. So once that happened, that’s when I was walking around New York City. And I would tell people. If I saw someone, another mom or a friend, I would tell them. But I wasn’t picking up the phone to call people and tell them. I just felt like that was weird. But what was happening was, I didn’t know if people knew or not. So I would see someone at my daughter’s pick up. And they’d be like, I love your haircut. How are you doing? And it was like, oh, OK. I didn’t know if I should share and really vent and let it all out or just move on. And at that point– I mentioned this to Adrien. I think maybe we should just like, rip the Band-Aid off.
00:07:43
Tell everybody. And I was not an Instagrammer. I love watching other people’s Instagram. But I just wanted to put it out there so I didn’t have to be in that awkward position. And I have always been obsessed with social media and Instagram. And I’ve always been someone who’s happily sharing what’s going on in my life. Jen has never been someone we’ve spotlighted on my Instagram. But we decided, you know what? Let’s create one together. And so we’re in this together. We’ll document your process together. We’ll share how we’re navigating it together. And it not only became this place where we could show people what her experience was like, but it also became a place to celebrate friendship, which we had no idea. The first post was literally– we sat on this couch. And I said, hi, I’m Jen, and I have cancer.
00:08:33
And I said, I’m Adrien, and I’m her best friend. And this is what’s happening. If there’s anyone out there who has triple positive breast cancer, please reach out. It was a cry for help. It was like, what’s happening? How am I going to live through this year?
00:08:50
And within three months, there were– No, within two days, there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of comments, which was amazing. It was so therapeutic. And people were commenting and talking to each other, giving each other tips within the comments just on that video. And then we were like, that was crazy. And then it was more– Before all of this happened, I didn’t know what it would look like. What does chemo? What is chemo? Is it scary? Is it like what you see in a movie with people in wheelchairs in a sad room? And what is a port? What is radiation? And anytime I would look online, it was a little bit depressing. I would see these people talking about their cancer story. And it was very sad and very– nothing you’re looking forward to in any way. And while I was terrified to do all of these things, it was really important to me to show other people what it was like to even walk into the Cancer Center to see your nurses, to talk to your oncologist. That would have helped me so much in that first week, the terrifying, terrifying week, just to get a glimpse into what my life would look like for the next few years. And so that’s what we did. I mean, we really went for it. Yeah, and I happened to be not working at the time and having a lot of time on my hands. And I really decided to just go all in and focus on Jen and my big– Just the best. –my big decision that I made, even though I walked into something that I had not prepared for, which is I’m a control freak. Walking into your friend having cancer and having no idea what to do next is not something that I had on my bingo card. But all I knew was I’m not going to leave her alone. I’m going to go to her appointments. I’m going to sit there. I don’t know what I’m going to say, but I will physically put my body in a chair. It came out of her. This was something that she just came up with. She was texting our Ziggies, our core group of friends. She had this side group text with them. She was the one who told them. I was, again, a full shell for the whole first month, let’s call it. And she handled communication and everything. And you texted the Ziggies and said, we cannot let Jen ever be alone in any of these appointments. And since then– It was so sweet. And since then, it has just been not just like a mission, but just like, that’s my purpose. My purpose is being by her side. And if I can’t be by her side or we’ll find someone to be by her side, in my replacement, that is a girl, so we can have this girl time. Chemo has become this really special time for her. It’s really special because it’s like, we’re in our 40s. And it’s not the same as when you’re a kid and you go and you play with them in the pool. It’s like you’re going out to dinner and having drinks. And everything’s like a short amount of time. And there’s never really time to gush and really have a deep catch up and vent session. And we’re forced to be in a room together for five to six hours weekly. And– There’s become rituals doing that. We play games. What are we going to eat? What are we going to wear? I always say, I have cancer, so I’m going to splurge. I play that card a lot. I’m like, let’s order from two restaurants. And yeah, we order stuff for the nurses. We love a watermelon slushie. I think that’s basically every time. Yeah, and I started a new job during this process. And last week, I came in, and she had set up a desk for me, which was really sweet. Well, because it was important. She had Zoom meetings during my chemo. And I didn’t want you to have to do it on a chair. Yeah, so this hospital has become– and we’ve been at– I say we. She says we have cancer. All the time. She says we have cancer. We’ve been at NYU Langone. They’ve been absolutely incredible. I mean, beyond. And this group of nurses is– it is true guardian angel status. We have made friends with them. They are our family. Going into chemo is like going to visit your people.
00:12:58
We literally walk in. We’re like, hey! We know everybody. There’s something also about the infusion floor. It’s a vibe. But this infusion floor. It’s a specific infusion floor. I’m not going to say which one. But this is true. She’s right.
00:13:16
I’m just saying, a lot of people say, your infusion floor looks so fun. You guys are having a good time. On my infusion floor where I am, the vibe is not that. And we give that to the nurses. And then we also try to bring lifted spirits. I mean, we are laughing. We are sharing funny stories. And sometimes, we’re next to people who obviously are going–
00:13:36
It’s horrible. They’re going through cancer– And we’re like– –infusions. We’re like, we need to be quiet. They’re losing their hair. I mean, it’s horrible. Yeah. When you get diagnosed with cancer, you could easily say that you’re just getting ready for the worst year of your life. I mean, it may very well be the worst absolute year. And I thought that at first. And I said, I can do it. It’s just a year. It’s actually more than a year when you’re triple positive. And then I thought to myself, I have a four-year-old daughter. She was four at the time. And I was like, I don’t want to have the worst year of my life. I don’t want to miss the birthday parties and kindergarten. And I need to somehow figure out how to stay positive or to find something. I got to learn something from this. And I didn’t know what it was going to be. But it was like an active choice to wake up in the morning and choose to not be miserable. And I really think we’ve nailed it. Like, I really do. I mean, also, there’s so much joy and friendship. And if you’re looking for joy in the dark places, sometimes, you’re concerned partner or you’re concerned family members are not where you’re going to find it. We have found joy in girlhood. And we have found joy in sticking together and going back to our core, which is silly girls that were in theater school together, being ridiculous. Singing show tunes. Singing show tunes, telling stories, talking about our families. No filter whatsoever. It’s just the best. And being with Adrien– basically more than anyone else, Adrien and some of my closest friends, it’s the only time I forget that I have cancer. Because we’re not talking about it all the time. I’m not having to explain anything to her because she’s so in it that she already knows. So I don’t have to go deep on. I don’t have to vent and talk about how [BLEEP] things are. It feels like life before cancer in a way. Plus, having her there through the scary things like MRIs and radiation and all of that. But it’s really nice to not have to talk about cancer with Adrien. Yeah, I will say a lot of people will ask like, how can I care for my friend during this time? And I think something we’ve noticed is that the more random it is that you visit, the more far and far apart your check ins are. The weirder it is. The more present you are, the more you realize, oh, the word cancer isn’t weird. Oh, this is just her– Exactly –inside of there. But when you separate yourself from it and pop in, you’re just looking at cancer. And it’s like, how are you doing? Are you OK? And I remember thinking that when we started our Instagram to. Again, I relate everything to these mom friends. And I thought to myself, if there was another mom in Frankie’s class that got breast cancer, someone I was an acquaintance with, but friendly with, I would send a gift. And then four months later, I would see them. I would check in. But I wouldn’t know what to say because it’s not a constant communication. And now, through all of this, I feel like it’s taught me empathy as well, when someone is going through something hard. Like, what to do? And you’re right, it’s just to be there and–
00:17:01
Show up. Show up, yeah. And even if you’re scared, show up. I am not cut out for this. She doesn’t look at the needles. I do not hospitals. And I am at a hospital every week with her. It’s made you less afraid of hospitals. And I’m like, hey, guys, anybody want something from the fridge? I’m going to go get it. You’re forced into bravery. Like, you’re shoved so, so far into being the bravest person you never thought you would be. And everyone’s like, oh, you’re so brave. No, no, no. We don’t choose to be brave. You just have to be because that’s the only option. And since you have to be brave, I have to be brave. I don’t get to watch her and just go, oh, she’s being so brave. I have to be brave and go to a hospital and look at needles and see really sad, sick people, and sit in it.
00:17:46
Well, same. We have learned to– it’s a little bit messed up that the first time I walked through the Cancer Center to get my mammogram, I was like, I didn’t want to be there. Now, I’m there every other day. And I’m like, good morning. I know everyone. And it’s become like my second home in a way, because I have to go for treatment all the time, whether it’s an injection or an infusion or whatever. And my first impression was that. And now, I own it. And we’re just moving forward in a not negative way. As for the humor, I think it’s innate. I think that we’ve always found humor in most situations. I only like funny people. Like, I don’t want to be around someone that’s not going to make me laugh, sorry. And the humor comes from our comfort together. Everything we do is there’s so much deepness that we can look back to laugh about something from 10 years ago. We can look at each other.
00:18:51
We’re sending each other TikTok memes, too. I mean, we’re normal. We’re not trying to be funny. We have so much history that is just is. Relationships come in all shapes and forms. And that’s something I remember my therapist taught me. Just because you have a partner, that is one relationship. But this is a relationship. And I can look at her, and she could know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling and– Exactly. –vice versa. So we know how to switch up the vibe when we need to switch up the vibe. We know how to make each other laugh. And making each other laugh has been the most healing thing. And so let’s add some extra humor this year. This is absolutely ridiculous.
00:19:33
It’s so ridiculous. And I can’t just be me. When you have cancer, you just become unhinged. Nothing matters. You don’t care. You don’t care who you’re talking to. You don’t care if you’re walking outside with a face mask on your face. Nothing matters. And it’s cool. And you have an excuse to be weird. And it’s fine. I have cancer. And I think that is part of it. It’s an interesting combo. I go to chemo. I wear my pajamas. Like, I walk down the streets in New York with my Hulken bag and my matching pajama set on a Tuesday afternoon. I don’t care. I’m comfortable. It’s like, yeah. Yeah, I think it’s an interesting combo being 40 plus and– When you’re 40 plus and you don’t have cancer, you start to not care, too. Yes, and dealing with cancer. And for me, I’ve answered my own like, what is life? I’m just going to stop trying to pretend to be what I’m not. I thought I’d be married by now. I thought I’d have kids by now. My life is not what I was expecting. Someone who loves control, just like everything is not coming at me in the same way I pictured.
00:20:42
But that’s when the good stuff happens. That’s where it’s funny. [LAUGHTER] It’s funny to be sad. We’re living in a big gotcha moment, and you got to laugh. And that’s what we do to find healing and to honestly enjoy each other in our lives. And we love New York. And we love food. And we love hanging out with our friends. And we love dogs. There’s a lot LOVE. In New York, there’s all these cool people walking around. They’re so chic. We want to be chic. We would love to be chic. That’s the goal. But also, we don’t care. Like, we’ll wear a yellow plastic bag. We may think it’s cool. We don’t care. And it makes life so much more fun that way. Yeah, it’s been nice to meet other people who are like, I see my friendship in you guys. I see my best friend as we would go through this the same way you would or we aspire to go through this. If something like this were to happen, we’re going to do it like you guys. They should. We got pap smears together last week. Because before all of this, we also didn’t like going to the gynecologist. You go for your yearly exam. She was in LA. I was in New York. And on my way, every year, I would call her. And I’d be like, Adrien, help me think of a delicious, special treat for after my appointment. That’s what would get me through the appointment. She would do the same. Call me. What am I going to get after? So now, we’re like, let’s just go together. And what are we going to get together after? Yeah. I remember the first scary doctor’s appointment I had in New York. Jen was like, well, you’ve been at all my scary doctor’s appointments. I’m going to come to your scary doctor’s appointment. I held her hand. I had an IUD ripped out of my body. It was live surgery. And Jen standing there, going– The doctor was like– the doctor was like, I can come back in 10 minutes. I said, get it out now or she’s going to run. Get it out. And you know what? We also recorded it. And it was such a great– first of all, I would have been miserable–
00:22:50
I think you would have passed out for three months. I wouldn’t have gone through with the procedure. But she was standing there.
00:22:57
Because she said, do you want to come back another day? I said, you have to do this. Jen was like, you’re ripping this thing out, and we’re leaving. And we’re going to the Hamptons. She’s crying. She’s crying. And throwing up. We had to get a trash can. She’s laying with the stirrups, and then puking. I was puking to the side. And I said to her after, I was like, no one in my entire life has seen me in that state. No one. I have. And it’s funny. It’s funny. It’s real. It’s things that really happen. And like, no one talks about it. Like, no one wants to go get a mammogram. No one wants to go to the gynecologist. Everyone pretends to be brave. But like, you think it’s fun to do that? It’s odd. It’s weird. So we’re talking about it.
00:23:42
Go with your girls. Make it a date. We got a couples pap smear. [LAUGHTER]
