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In today’s New York, even friendship is no longer affordable.
That’s the tough lesson learned by Vira, a Manhattanite who found herself shelling out nearly $5,000 to cover the cost of being a bridesmaid in a dear pal’s recent nuptials.
For the Harlem resident, who asked that her last name not be used, the unwelcome expense of a destination wedding not only stretched her budget — it ultimately tore a once-cherished relationship apart.
“I spent the equivalent of a month’s rent to go to that wedding,” the 38-year-old, who works as an events and partnerships director, told The Post. “The couple is now divorced — and I’m no longer friends with the bride.”
Covering the cost of round-trip airfare from the Big Apple to New England, plus food and lodging, a mandatory $400 bridesmaid dress and bachelorette party fees, left Vira with feelings of deep resentment toward the lady of the hour, she said.
It’s an upset increasingly felt by wedding attendees nationwide, including some who, according to trending data, have even gone into debt to witness a bud take the plunge.
“Of the 54% of Americans who attended a wedding in the previous five years, 31% racked up debt in order to do so,” a 2024 Lending Tree survey revealed about the crushing costs of holy matrimonies, with 74% of those debtors noting that prewedding events, such as bachelor parties or bridal showers, were a contributing factor.
Bridesmaids, according to another study, could shell out anywhere from $1,500 to $2,500 for locally held nuptials — and a whopping $3,000 to $5,000 to take part in a destination wedding.
Luckily, Vira didn’t land in the red after her former friend’s doomed “I Do’s” — but the bite that it took out of her bank account was hard to stomach.
“I have a good job, and I felt stretched [by the expenses],” groaned Vira, whose resentment for the financial outlay contributed to their ultimately fractured friendship. “It’s pretty insane to spend so much money on someone’s wedding with the divorce rate being what it is.”
Roughly 40% of modern marriages hit the skids and end in divorce, according to numerous recent reports.
Still, whether it be a match made in heaven or a union headed straight to hell, most folks find it hard to say “no” to spending big bucks on a chum’s big day.
That’s understandable, said Jack Howard, head of money and wellness at Ally Bank, who urges friends to find a healthy balance between kinship and money management.
“Sometimes that means saying ‘no’ to one event but showing up for another, or finding low-cost gifts that carry [strong sentimental] meanings,” Howard, an accredited financial counselor, told The Post, admitting to also, on occasion, having “felt the stretch” of expensive, back-to-back weddings for friends.
“It’s not about saying ‘no’ to love, but finding balance in the ways we say ‘yes,’ ” Howard said.
If bridezillas are sending weddinggoers on a guilt trip, leaving them with no choice but to attend their nuptials, Howard recommends making small yet worthwhile life adjustments, such as stashing cash in a “wedding fund” savings account for upcoming shindigs, or splitting the price of gifts with other guests.
The expert even encourages folks to have transparent — yet potentially awkward — conversations about their financial limitations with the happy couple.
Kara Perez, an author living in Massachusetts, credits one of those uncomfortable chats with saving her hundreds on flights, lodging, food, ground transportation, gifts and pre-wedding expenses, such as a bridal shower party and a bachelorette trip to Cape Cod, for a lifelong friend’s wedding last year.
Showing up to the shindigs, plus the actual wedding, would have cost Perez, who was living in North Carolina at the time, roughly $2,000.
“I told the bride, ‘Hey, I love you so much, and I’m so thrilled [that you’re getting married], but I can’t attend all these events,’” Perez, 37, recalled to The Post. “I said, ‘Money is tight. I’ll only be able to make it to the wedding.’ ”
It was a difficult confession for Perez, who went viral recently with a candid social media discussion about the exorbitant price of weddings.
Cash-conscious commenters agreed that guest costs have reached “crazy” heights in recent years, owing to the rise of trendy “wedding weekends” — splashy, multiday celebrations — and destination weddings in hot spots beyond US borders.
Perez ultimately spent $1,300 to be there for her bestie’s special occasion, for which she split the cost of an Airbnb with other guests and snagged a formal gown from a thrift shop to pocket a few pennies.
To foot the bill, however, she was forced to dip into her “travel savings” fund, money she allocates toward vacations, not friends’ weddings, throughout the year.
And while she doesn’t “hold any resentment” toward lovebirds whose unions cost her an arm and a leg, Perez wonders if her clique would make similar sacrifices if the shoe were ever on the other foot.
“I’ve been with my partner for 11 years. We don’t have any immediate plans to get married, so I’ll probably never ask friends [to spend money] on my wedding,” she chuckled, calling the imposition a “lopsided” obligation she’s shouldered over the past decade.
“But if I do decide to get married in two years, I wonder if people wouldn’t come because their money is tied up in their homes and kids and families,” Perez questioned.
“As we get older, the cost of living increases — and things like friends’ weddings become less of a priority,” she said.
