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DEAR ABBY: We helped our eldest son, who is 35 and an engineer, buy a house five miles from us. A woman his friend introduced him to moved in with him a few years later.
Against our advice, he married her last year. Her personality has always been difficult, noncollaborative, selfish and demanding. They now have a baby because she convinced him that only she could raise a child for him. Now, she will no longer allow our son to talk to us, visit or let us see the baby, saying we give her anxiety. I find that hard to believe, as we never see her.
I have tried talking to him, but to no avail. She has complete control of him now. It’s heartbreaking, and this is destroying the family. He doesn’t reach out to his brother or sister either. What can be done? — DEVASTATED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DEVASTATED: I am sorry for your sadness and disappointment. The truth is, nothing can be done to change this unhappy situation. Your son has made his choice, and that choice was his controlling wife. What you can do to lessen some of the pain is gather your other son and daughter around you and continue living your lives in as pleasant and cohesive a fashion as you can. Always leave the door open for a reconciliation, but do not count on one.
DEAR ABBY: I recently saw on my daughter’s phone that she’s sending nude pictures to a “Jameson,” whom she met online. She is 29 and has a learning disability. She still lives at home with me and her father. She’s not able to live on her own because of her disability.
I once found out from a bank statement that she was giving thousands of dollars to an “admirer” who told her he needed money for his family. After we found out, she showed us texts that he had sent. He was telling her how beautiful she was and that they should get together one day.
I told my husband about the nude photos, but he didn’t want to talk to her about it. He said we should respect her privacy. How would you handle this, Abby? She doesn’t have many friends, and she spends a lot of time on her phone and laptop. I want to do something, but I don’t know where to start. — LOST IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR LOST: Start by helping your daughter help herself. The Arc of the United States (thearc.org) is an organization that provides advocacy and education for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. On its website, you will find links to short courses in digital literacy provided by AT&T. Help your daughter look through these materials so she understands the dangers of the internet. The information might help her see Jameson for who he really is.
Another resource is the National Disability Rights Network (ndrn.org). There you’ll find experts who can advise you on all kinds of disability-related topics. I wish you all the best as you take these important steps to protect your daughter.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
