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DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law lives across the country. For years, we shipped each other’s children Christmas gifts. A few years ago, she went through a difficult divorce and has since stopped sending gifts. While we didn’t discuss it, I figured it was a financial strain, which is understandable.
My issue is that we continued to send her children gifts but have never received a thank-you or even an acknowledgment. I feel it’s rude, but my husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Am I wrong in feeling this way? — LOVES CHRISTMAS IN CHICAGO
DEAR LOVES CHRISTMAS: You are not wrong; your husband is. Those children should have been taught from an early age that it is important to acknowledge gifts they receive with a thank-you note or, at the very least, a phone call, text or email. Not to do that is, indeed, rude, but don’t blame the kids. The blame falls on the parents who failed to teach them basic good manners.
Speaking of the parents, ask your sister-in-law if she is still comfortable with the gifts you send to her children. Her family’s failure to show gratitude may be a hint that they feel guilty about being unable to reciprocate.
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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been a divorced woman for the past 10 years and am at retirement age. In the divorce, I received my house, which is almost paid for. My family, including my daughter (40), her husband (42), my son (36), my nephew (42) and my granddaughter (12), all live in that house. I moved out and into a place with a friend whose house is paid for. The adults are all employed full time. The plan was for them to pay me rent until my granddaughter graduates from high school (six more years).
Unfortunately, the only ones paying rent regularly are my son (who pays all the utilities) and my nephew, who was just diagnosed with end-stage renal disease and is going on dialysis. I have already sat down with the others and had the talk that the rent is due on the first of the month; after that, it is late. I even send them text reminders a week before it’s due.
What other options do I have to get my daughter and son-in-law to pay their share of the rent? This money is supposed to be going into my retirement fund so I can retire when I’m 70 or 72. The house is in a top school district, so I don’t want to evict them and jeopardize my granddaughter’s education. — GRANDMA LANDLADY
DEAR LANDLADY: Would it be possible to enlist your son and nephew to apply some social pressure on the deadbeat couple? It would have been better if you’d had more than a verbal agreement from the start, but it’s not too late. Draft a formal lease contract, including penalties for late payment, and insist that everyone sign it. If possible, have them set up a direct monthly transfer of funds from their bank accounts to yours. Always be firm and professional, and consult a lawyer if you need ideas other than eviction to encourage prompt payment.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
