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DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Mark,” and his father have a strained relationship due to things that occurred when Mark was growing up. Mark is an only child, and his mother has passed away. Since I met my father-in-law prior to our marriage eight years ago, he has never taken any interest in me, Mark or our children. While he has never been directly unkind to me, every time there is a conversation, he makes negative comments about my profession. (I’m a lawyer.)
I gather from our conversations that he seeks companionship online and has been scammed multiple times by the “friends” he makes. Abby, what are my duties as a daughter-in-law given the relationship? Mark rarely takes his father’s calls or answers his questions, so he calls me for help.
Mark’s dad has no one else — no siblings, no spouse, no other children and (from what I can tell) no friends. His requests and issues have become draining. I already have three small children who require most of my attention. I dread talking to him because of the inevitable jabs at lawyers, and he rarely takes my advice anyway. Do I need to keep answering his phone calls and texts? — HAD IT IN NORTH DAKOTA
DEAR HAD IT: No, you do not have to take your father-in-law’s calls if his comments about lawyers offend you. What you do have to do is tell him his jokes are offensive and to cut it out. Then, if he doesn’t apologize (and doesn’t cut it out), tell your husband you are done dealing with his father and from now on he is going to have to be better about returning the man’s phone calls.
Regarding the scams perpetrated by your FIL’s online acquaintances, Mark may be able to find help without involving you if he contacts the North Dakota Health and Human Services Adult and Aging Division. (I doubt I needed to tell a lawyer that, but other readers may find it helpful.)
DEAR ABBY: My friends recently welcomed their first grandchild, but the child’s parents won’t allow photographs of the baby to be posted on social media until the child can consent. People naturally would love to see pics of the baby, but the parents’ policy prevents it. Is this a new trend, or are these parents just weird? Would it be out of line for me to request a pic via email? I’d be happy to sign an NDA! — QUESTIONING THE POLICY
DEAR QUESTIONING: I wouldn’t call it a new trend. The practice of keeping a child’s images out of social media has been quite common for several years, and it’s a policy I wholeheartedly endorse. Not only does posting baby pics violate the future privacy of the baby, but it also opens the family up to a shocking range of safety concerns, from identity theft and fraud to kidnapping.
Your request for an emailed image shouldn’t cause offense; the worst that can happen is that they’ll decline. If the parents agree to send you pictures, do not post them to your own socials. You will not enjoy the repercussions if you do.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
