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DEAR ABBY: My boss doesn’t set boundaries between work and our personal lives. I adore her, but the job is very stressful and comes first. She recently became engaged, and I don’t know how to accept her husband-to-be. When we’re all together, he’s constantly on his cellphone or makes mean-spirited jabs at my husband over sports. We can’t all cheer for the same team, and banter is fun, but this feels personal.
We do not share his political beliefs either, so we are very selective on what we talk about in order to not offend. He was supposedly joking when he said the guest list for their wedding was being cut in half and that my husband and I were not on it. I’m struggling to get over his comment and feel he doesn’t want us there. He dictated to us what food we should have for her birthday, as well as where to purchase gifts. I can make a long list of his inserting himself where he doesn’t belong.
I have distanced myself socially from my boss because of this. They are a package deal. It’s having a negative impact on my friendship and possibly my job. Her happiness is important to me. Have you any advice? — HURTING HEART IN THE EAST
DEAR HURTING: Clearly, your relationship with your employer is going to change. This does not mean it has to be over or that your job is in jeopardy.
Because what her fiance said about the guest list has worried you so much you would write to me about it, ask your employer whether it is true or if he was “joking.” If it’s true, understand that you are likely not the only person who will be backing away from this couple in the future. Your fears may be groundless, but if you feel your job is really in jeopardy, the time to start looking for another one may be now.
DEAR ABBY: I’m six weeks pregnant with my fourth child. This is the first baby I’m having in my second marriage. My children from a previous marriage are all school-aged. I just turned 40, and I’m really struggling with this pregnancy. I didn’t imagine myself having a child at this age, and I feel terrible about not wanting this baby. I secretly hope I have a miscarriage.
My issue is that my husband has told everyone about the pregnancy, including my children, who are excited to have a new sibling. I’m just not emotionally or mentally OK with being a mom again. Starting all over with a baby feels so daunting and heavy that I cannot handle it. My husband is excited, but he isn’t someone I can talk to about my emotions. I feel we are growing apart and I am putting my life on hold to give him this baby. — CAN’T HANDLE IT
DEAR CAN’T HANDLE IT: It’s a shame that you married someone you can’t confide in. However, there is someone you can talk to who will understand. Make an appointment to discuss this with your doctor now. While most people are familiar with postpartum depression, your turmoil may be caused by a condition that isn’t talked about often — prepartum depression. Your doctor may be able to give you the emotional support you need.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
