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DEAR ABBY: For years, my only daughter and I got along pretty well. Then she stopped visiting or speaking to us, meaning we didn’t see our grandchildren or my son-in-law. That went on for six to eight years. Suddenly, she has responded on Facebook but refuses to tell me what the problem was.
When you don’t communicate with somebody for this long, it’s difficult because so much has happened in the interim that conversations are now as if I’m speaking to a stranger. I deeply resent this, though I pretend I’m fine because if I don’t, all communication will cease again.
As I near the end of my life, I don’t want her to know or come to my “deathbed” (whenever that might be) because the only thing I’m going to want to know is “why,” and she will never tell me. It interfered with my relationship with my three granddaughters, so I don’t want to see her.
I truly feel if she didn’t want any part of me all these years, she shouldn’t bother paying lip service now. When that time comes, I only want to be around people who truly loved and cared about me. I can’t get my son and my best friend to understand that when the time comes, I just want peace. How can I? — WEARY IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WEARY: Tell them the truth — that you maintain contact with your daughter only because you love your granddaughters and don’t want to be further estranged from them. Then explain that when your time comes (hopefully, many years from now), you only want at your side those who showed you love, which does not include the daughter who iced you out for years with no explanation, and you do not want to discuss it further. (From your description of your history with her, she’s unlikely to show up.)
DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer some advice to your readers over 50: Think carefully before getting a dog. You may be active and able to care for a pet now, but where will you be in 15 years?
My husband and I are in our 70s and caring for an elderly dog. When we got our puppy 13 years ago, I figured even if things went wrong, one of my three kids would be able to take the dog. Well, for various practical reasons, they can’t. So, guess who has to take “Skip” out in the rain and snow, risking life and limb (his and mine) four times a day?
In addition, traveling — something we always hoped to do in retirement — is difficult to arrange. So think twice, people! Your dog depends on you to care for it until it arrives at the Rainbow Bridge. — TIED TO SKIP
DEAR TIED: I’m sure you love your senior dog despite the hardships advanced age has brought to both of you. Thank you for hanging in there even though it’s not always easy.
People of all ages take in pets without thinking of the long-term responsibilities involved. An important part of the pet adoption process is considering how you will provide for it when you travel or are no longer physically able to handle it yourself. Skipping this step is unfair to the animal.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
