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DEAR ABBY: I had a child with “Richard,” whom I met 10 years ago. I was married at the time but had been separated from my husband, “Eddy,” for nine months. Richard and I hit it off well; I was very attracted to him. Five months after we met, I accidentally became pregnant. When Richard found out, he bolted. We stayed in contact, and he met our son, “Brady,” twice.
Eddy and I reunited when Brady was 3, and since Richard was out of the picture, we requested to sever his rights so Eddy could adopt him. Richard didn’t show up, so legally we were able to proceed.
When we found out Richard had never told his family about Brady, I reached out to them. They want nothing to do with us! They don’t believe my son is a part of their family because rights were severed and they never knew about him, even though I have pictures of Brady and Richard together and Brady knows who he is.
Eddy and I have now been divorced for four years. I feel terrible for the way my son is being treated. Should I leave them all alone and close that chapter? — TANGLED WEB IN ARIZONA
DEAR TANGLED WEB: Continuing to pursue Richard’s family will get you nowhere. That chapter closed when Richard gave up his parental rights to Brady and Eddy adopted the little boy. Until your son is no longer a minor, Eddy may have a financial responsibility for him. I hope he is acting more responsibly than Brady’s biological father did and that their relationship will continue in spite of the divorce.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost 40 years. I’m recently retired, in great shape and very active. I hike, bike, walk, play golf and do strength training. My wife will retire soon. She’s 100% sedentary and does none of these activities with me. She has mobility issues that could be corrected with surgery, but she refuses to have the surgery, which means her mobility issues will worsen. She’ll need a caregiver to help her in the not-too-distant future — which will be me.
This may sound selfish, but I didn’t sign up for this. I feel the enjoyment of my retirement will never happen because she refuses to help herself. Is it wrong for me to think about divorcing her because she takes no responsibility for herself and expects me to take care of her, which will prevent me from enjoying my golden years? — END OF MY ROPE IN NEW YORK
DEAR END: You stated that you “didn’t sign up for this.” Well, nobody does. When you and your wife took your wedding vows, “… in sickness and in health …” this IS what you signed up for. That your wife is so frightened of surgery to correct her issues that she’s refusing to have it is sad for both of you. Perhaps if you tell her what you have written to me, it might motivate her to assume more responsibility for her health. A way to start would be to consult her doctor about a prudent path forward.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
