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DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I found out that the man who raised me wasn’t my biological father. I suspected it for many years and asked my mother about it twice. She angrily denied it both times and said the man who raised me was definitely my dad. He passed away in 1989. I recently found out that he knew of my parentage all my life.
Through a cousin, I found my DNA profile. I reached out to my biological father in 2020. We met twice and have a cordial relationship. I sent him and his wife a Christmas card, which he acknowledged with a phone call. He says that he’s so glad I reached out to him. I also call him around his birthday but do not send a card.
Is it weird for me to acknowledge Father’s Day with him? I have just been letting it pass by. He wasn’t a dad to me, but we all know he’s my father (as does his one other daughter). For whatever reason, I want to send him a card. Or should I call? Maybe this is a “me” thing. I’d like your advice. — WONDERING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR WONDERING: I can understand why, having lost the man you always regarded as your father, you feel a desire to have a father figure in your life. Why not ask your biological father how he feels about a card and a call and what he would prefer?
DEAR ABBY: I invited a friend, “Sybil,” to dinner at a fine dining, special occasion restaurant to celebrate her birthday. About a month before, I called to say I had also asked someone else to join us, as it was also her birthday. I thought the three of us would have fun, as we rarely go to fine dining establishments.
I was the host, so I said that I would pay for all of us. Sybil said she wouldn’t go unless I “uninvited” the third person! A week after I refused to do that, I received an email saying “leave me alone” after I’d unsuccessfully tried to phone and set up an alternative date to celebrate, but at a less expensive restaurant. I could not afford to host two fine dining nights out.
That was five months ago. Now what? I won’t apologize for including another person at a dinner party I was hosting, but I am willing to move on. It took a mutual friend to explain to me why I got the “leave me alone” email. It never occurred to me that I could be wrong. I don’t think I was. Do you? — GOOD INTENTIONS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: It might have been better form to have asked Sybil if she would mind your including another birthday girl at the dinner before you did it, but not having done that was insufficient reason to excommunicate you. I do not think you owe her an apology. On the contrary, she owes you one for overreacting the way she did.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
