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DEAR ABBY: I’m a man in my 70s. My girlfriend is eight years younger. We were first introduced 42 years ago by relatives who believed we would be a good match. I was an only child; she was from a broken home. We dated and liked each other, but there were communication problems. I was independent as a younger man and dated. She was devoted to her mother and cared for her until her passing. We reconnected and started dating seven years ago. We live an hour apart, and I would drive to spend a weekend with her every two weeks. We talk every day.
Things were good, and I asked if she would be interested in marriage someday. She said she would “consider it.” A few years later, I offered to buy a ring to show that she belonged to me, and she became upset. I backed off. A year ago, she suddenly said I shouldn’t come any longer. When I asked why, she told me I have said things in the past that upset her. She said I poke fun at things she likes to do and made comments that were intimate in nature. I asked why she hadn’t brought these issues to my attention sooner. She said she should have but just didn’t do it. I kid around a bit, even poke fun at myself, but I never intended to hurt anyone’s feelings. I apologized and suggested relationship therapy. She believed we could just work through it. She said she had to build up the trust again. We took a vacation, but nothing changed. Simple things like holding hands don’t seem to interest her anymore. I don’t have years to waste. Do I have the wrong girl here? — FRUSTRATED IN OHIO
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Yup, you sure do. The lady isn’t physically attracted to you, and she can’t bring herself to communicate when there are problems that could be fixed. You can do better than this, and the time to start widening your dating circle is now.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to a wonderful man for five years. He has an almost-20-year-old daughter, “Amber,” whom he raised alone. Amber is spoiled and entitled because he overcompensated for the lack of a mother figure in her life. I get it. However, she continues to be disrespectful to me and has made him choose sides in disagreements. I’ve always tried to be neutral in situations. We all live together, but Amber and I just don’t get along. She doesn’t respect her father at all. When I have tried to make him realize it or support him when she’s being unruly, I am turned into the bad guy. I am not asking him to choose, but there is only one queen of the castle, and it isn’t me. What do I do? — PRICKLY SITUATION IN GEORGIA
DEAR PRICKLY: Is Amber in college and living at home? Is she employed but not earning enough to support herself? Where is her mother? How long is she going to be living with you?
You and your “wonderful” husband could lessen some of the tension in your household if you start talking with a licensed marriage and family therapist. He should have stepped in the moment his daughter started acting out and insisted you be treated with respect (at the very least) as long as she is under his roof.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
