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DEAR ABBY: I’m a 59-year-old married virgin male. My wife has an IUD for medical reasons. She thinks it’s the man’s job to initiate sex. She has never shown any interest in sex in nearly 20 years of marriage. I love her, but I am ready to divorce her.
I do not want to go through life without a sex life, let alone die a virgin. We have no money for therapy. She’s going to be 51 soon. I have been told by different women that it’s just not in her, and she’ll never be interested. What should I do? — WANTING MORE
DEAR WANTING MORE: This may seem like a silly question, but have you tried to initiate sex? Your letter is a bit vague on that point. It’s not the “job” of one partner or the other, but someone has to get the ball rolling. A more important question is this: Did your wife tell you she was not interested in sex before you got married? Did the two of you never discuss it?
Ask your wife directly if she thinks she’ll ever be willing to take this step with you. If the answer is no, please understand that it’s OK to end a relationship with someone — even if you love them — if they are not willing to give you what you need.
DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law takes my granddaughter for a walk every day. They live in a nice area, but he insists on carrying a loaded gun in the stroller. My daughter doesn’t seem to question this, and if I press either one, I get the impression that they will cut off my access to my granddaughter. What recourse, if any, do I have to protect the child from a senseless gun-related accident? — FEARFUL IN PHOENIX
DEAR FEARFUL: It’s sad that, despite living in a nice neighborhood, your son-in-law feels so vulnerable. All you can do is try to ensure that he has a license to carry his gun and hope he has taken (and passed) a course in gun safety.
Readers who do not live in Arizona should check their own state and local laws. What this dad is doing may be legal in Phoenix, but it could land you in a heap of trouble in many other jurisdictions!
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I moved into a modest home owned by my sister to help her with expenses. Shortly after, she got a job promotion and transfer. I stayed, took care of repairs and paid her rent. A couple of years later, she signed it over to me as a Christmas present. I did put thousands of dollars and many hours of labor into repairs. If I sell it now, do I owe her a share of the profits? — HANDYMAN IN ILLINOIS
DEAR HANDYMAN: You do not owe your sister a share of the profits for the house. She gave it to you, so it is yours to do with as you wish. If you would like to give her a portion of the proceeds to thank her for the opportunity, it’s your choice.
DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You personify patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
