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DEAR ABBY: I have two best friends going back to third grade (we’re in our 30s now) and one older sister. I’m the last in my friend group to get married. My fiancé and I are eloping this summer. We already own a house and need nothing, so I told my mother and sister that a bridal shower is unnecessary. Plus, since we are eloping, I felt it rude to invite people to a shower when no one would be invited to the elopement.
However, nobody has planned anything else for me. I understand people are busy with their own lives, but I always made time for them, and it makes me feel like I’m not important to them. It’s becoming increasingly difficult not to feel slighted and forgotten.
I would have loved at least a fun girls’ night at our favorite restaurant or even a quiet one watching chick flicks, wearing face masks and painting our toenails — a day where they said, “We thought about you.” I worry that if I reach out to any of them about it, I’ll sound like a spoiled brat. How can I manage these feelings? — BRIDE, NOT BRAT
DEAR BRIDE: Your friends and family are only doing exactly what you asked for. By eloping and refusing a bridal shower, you’ve signaled that you want this event to pass uncelebrated by the people closest to you. If that’s not really what you want, speak up now.
I’m sure your friends and sister would love to show you how happy they are for you and shower you with well wishes. Approach one of your friends, apologize for the misunderstanding and give your permission for her to plan the girls’ night you were hoping for (or plan it with her).
DEAR ABBY: I lent my friend an outfit and cardigan to wear to a wedding. Despite not wearing the cardigan, she washed it before returning it and ruined it. I didn’t ask her not to wash it, and she didn’t ask me if and how to wash it.
She has offered to pay for the cardigan, but it cost a lot more than she’s used to paying for her clothes, so I feel bad that she’s stuck paying for something she had no idea was expensive. What is the laundry etiquette in cases like this? Should I have told her to return it unwashed? Should she have asked how I would like it returned?
Should I ask her to reimburse me for it, or is it just water under the bridge? She’s a good friend, and I don’t want to lose her over this, but I admit I am feeling resentful. — DIRTY LAUNDRY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DIRTY LAUNDRY: Both of you are to blame for this: you for not specifying how you wanted your sweater returned, and her for not asking the question. Is the value of that sweater worth more than the friendship you have with this person? Because you know reimbursing you would be a stretch for her, why not chalk this up to an expensive lesson you learned?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
