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DEAR ABBY: I have just retired and want to spend the summer taking a long road trip from Florida to Alaska and back. I’ve dreamed about it all my life and finally have the time and money to do it.
My husband hates long road trips, and I don’t want to take him. He would be miserable and make me miserable in the process. Further, he has a list of demands—no more than six hours of driving per day, a nice hotel every night rather than camping out, which I prefer, and leasing a gas-guzzling SUV rather than my energy-efficient midsized car—that would triple the amount of time and money this will cost. I suspect some or all of his demands are passive-aggressive because he really doesn’t want the trip to happen.
I understand my husband not wanting to sit at home alone for six weeks while I enjoy myself photographing bears, moose and elk in the Yukon Territory, and I do worry about his ability to take care of himself and the house. Honestly, though, I’m not sure our marriage could survive this trip. I’m seriously considering just sneaking out the door and sending him postcards. Any ideas? — SOLO TRAVELER
DEAR SOLO TRAVELER: This is your dream trip. If you don’t go, or if you let your husband spoil it with his demands and complaints, you will end up resenting him. You don’t need to sneak out. Instead, leave detailed instructions on caring for the homestead, and arrange for a friend or family member to check in on him regularly while you’re away. If you set him up for success, you won’t come home to a pile of smoking rubble or a steaming husband.
DEAR ABBY: I have been in cancer treatment for the past 10 years. I have infusions, monthly MRI and CT scans, six doctors and nine medications. No one other than my psychologist ever asks me how I am. I do look OK, so even my mother never asks. My sister overheard Mom ask my other sister to find out what I’m doing to my hair. My hair looks thicker because it became coarse due to the chemo.
I don’t want to be a crybaby, but I would appreciate it if someone just acknowledged that I have cancer. When I once complained to my mom that I have to take too many drugs, her response was, “Well, you have money!” Do you have any suggestions? — GLOSSED OVER
DEAR GLOSSED OVER: Please allow me to offer my sympathy over your struggles with cancer. The reason your family doesn’t bring it up may be because it makes them sad, and they worry that talking about it may upset you.
You have the right to press them on the matter. Tell your mom you need her support and would like to be able to talk about your health issues with her. If you wish to bring your sisters into the circle, talk to them all together. The more family you have in the loop, the stronger you will be for the remainder of your treatment.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
