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DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wife for 17 years. We have three daughters. She doesn’t work, doesn’t have a driver’s license, doesn’t clean and rarely cooks. I often find myself so frustrated at her lack of commitment to the family that I drink and go to bed after I cook dinner.
I work 60 hours a week to provide for our family and am not receiving any help from my wife. I don’t know what to do. I do all the shopping and take the girls to dance three days a week (which means I have to leave work early). It causes bad arguments. What can I do to motivate her to change? — DOING EVERYTHING IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR DOING EVERYTHING: You state that your wife doesn’t work, doesn’t drive, doesn’t clean and rarely cooks. What does she do all day? Is she watching television? Taking drugs? Is she so depressed she can’t get out of bed?
You should not be carrying the whole load yourself, but drinking and going to bed are not the answer. Ask your doctor or health insurance company for a referral to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you unravel this mess. Nothing will change until you do.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter added her girlfriend to our family group chat last December. Now the girlfriend is accepting invitations from family members that weren’t meant for her. Granted, she has been dating my daughter for more than five years, but none of us like her or feel comfortable around her. We’re afraid to say anything due to our love for our daughter. How do we get her off the family group chat and stop her from being so invasive in our lives without hurting our daughter? — CLOSING RANKS
DEAR CLOSING RANKS: No matter what you do about the group chat, the end result will have to be a conversation with your daughter about the fact that her girlfriend is not welcome at certain family gatherings. Are you willing to have that talk and face the consequences? If not, it might be best to learn to get along with the girlfriend and remember that most people do not get to pick their in-laws.
If you are determined that excluding the girlfriend is the way to go, start a new group chat and emphasize to your daughter that this one is for immediate family only.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband passed away, his sister “Enid” and her husband, “Fred,” did not attend his funeral. Their grown son and daughter with grown children of their own also missed the funeral. They claimed Fred had a doctor’s appointment. This made a total of 10 people unable to come to the funeral. We all live in the same area, so there was no traveling involved. What is your opinion about me being upset? — BOTHERED IN THE EAST
DEAR BOTHERED: First, please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. You have a right to be upset about Enid, Fred and their family skipping your husband’s funeral. A doctor’s appointment can usually be rescheduled. Funerals are a different matter. The fact is, they chose to withhold their support from you, which was thoughtless, bordering on cruel.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
