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Fed up with interference?
Psychologists say there’s a reason why, and a leading communications expert claims there are FBI-approved ways to prevent and redirect interruptions.
“There are typically two reasons why someone cuts you off or interrupts you,” public speaking and communication coach Stuart Fedderson told The Post.
“The first is that they think they already know where you’re going in the conversation. The moment they feel like they’re getting the point, their brain fires those neurons, and they begin interrupting.”
According to psychologist and author Dr. Shahrzad Jalali, this is known as “anticipatory responding,” a process in which the brain begins formulating a reply before the speaker has finished.
“This reduces listening accuracy and increases interruption, particularly in fast-paced conversations,” she said.
The second reason people interrupt? You’re boring them.
“A person will interrupt if they’re not engaged or hooked into what you are saying,” said Fedderson, who claims that without a hook, the mind drifts and the mouth opens.
Nevertheless, all those fits and starts can be phenomenally frustrating for the speaker.
“Repeated interruption can undermine psychological safety and self-expression,” said Jalali, author of “The Fire That Makes Us: Unveiling the Transformative Power of Trauma.”
She notes that over time, individuals may internalize the experience, speaking less or self-censoring.
“From a nervous-system perspective, frequent interruption can activate stress responses, particularly for those with prior experiences of being dismissed or unheard,” said Jalali.
According to Fedderson, to avoid being cut off and to course correct when we are interrupted, we need to strategically incorporate engagement techniques.
One such strategy is the “command pause.”
“First, you frame what you’re about to say so that it grabs their attention, something like, ‘I really need you to pay attention to this one,’ then you pause for a beat,” he said, “That delay signals confidence and tells the listener’s brain, ‘hold on, this matters.”
Fedderson, who has extensively researched FBI interrogation training, says the command pause is used by agents to assert power in their communications and ensure that their questions are heard and answered.
Jalali says the command pause technique can be effective in certain contexts.
“Strategic silence paired with steady nonverbal cues often triggers self-correction in the interrupter by creating mild social discomfort and restoring conversational balance,” she said, noting that this strategy works best with individuals who possess basic social awareness and are not intentionally asserting dominance.
What to do if the command pause isn’t cutting it?
“If you’re interrupted three times, you want to use your body language,” said Fedderson, noting that 60-80% of communication is nonverbal.
“As they interrupt, put up your hand and say, ‘Hey, real quick. Is it okay if I finish my thought?” he continued.
Fedderson imparts that a raised hand communicates ‘stop,’ and, when paired with a kind facial expression and gentle tone, calmly and effectively signals to the listener to slow down and listen up.
“The open palm is a subconscious signal to trust. As you’re pulling up your hand, it’s subconsciously telling them you can trust me, and my guard is down. So it’s very collaborative.”
He maintains that the move, which he calls the ‘power palm,’ is effective 90% of the time, and demonstrates both power and respect.
Fedderson imparts that collaborative language, both verbal and nonverbal, is key to preventing and recovering from interruptions.
“You want to close the space between you and the other person. You lean in, you have a warm look on your face, you’re tilting your head. You’re doing all of this as you speak, and when you’re actively listening.”
The efficacy of this approach is echoed by Jalali, who says that the most successful communication approaches combine emotional regulation with clarity.
“Techniques are most effective when they are delivered consistently, calmly, and without hostility, signaling confidence rather than confrontation,” she said.
For Fedderson, a lack of face-to-face interaction, reduced attention spans, and increasingly rapid information exchange have translated to an uptick in interrupting.
“If communication is a fabric, it’s fraying, and part of that fraying is interruptions because most people don’t know how to communicate or how to remediate.”
In both his clients and youth culture at large, he recognizes an escalation in conversational cutoffs.
“We don’t teach active listening or interpersonal communication in schools, and that is causing a huge communication gap right now in Gen Z. They’re interrupting now more than ever.”
Jalali and Fedderson agree that we can all improve both our likability and conversational prowess through the power of active listening.
“So many people think that the key to being charismatic, likable, and a good conversationalist is talking all the time. It’s not,” said Fedderson.
He states that active listeners are regarded as charismatic because they make others feel good about themselves.
“By listening to them ramble that you are remembered as a positive person in their mind,” he continued
The key to active listening? Responding or speaking just 20% of the time, and listening 80%.
“Effective conversation begins with self-regulation,” said Jalali, “Tolerating silence, managing the urge to respond immediately, and listening with curiosity rather than self-focus are key markers of emotional intelligence.”
