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Given so many stories of parental abuse, the film screening of the 2016 film “Look At Us Now, Mother” on Tuesday, Jan. 21 at 1 p.m. is a reminder that the family dynamic can look a lot different than what seems on the surface.
Created by documentary filmmaker Gayle Kirschenbaum, the film is autobiographical about the relationship between filmmaker Gayle and her mother Mildred that is a story of abuse by Mildred to Gayle for many decades.
One may not think of abuse when you are brought up in an affluent home and never have to worry about hunger or deprivation. Yet, Gayle revealed how abusive mothers can inflict mental torture than can be just as damaging to a person’s confidence, self-esteem and a willingness to bond with others.
Kirschenbaum guides the viewer through her tales of abuse with home movie footage of her interactions with Mildred, her older brothers and her father while growing up in an affluent Long Island, New York neighborhood.
“From the very beginning, my mother wanted to have a boy named Gary but had me instead. She (Mildred) was consistently telling me how inadequate I was, despite my career success as a filmmaker,” said Gayle in the film.
Throughout her life, Gayle was constantly humiliated by her mother telling her she needed to have a nose job, change her hair, look more feminine and other remarks that attacked Gayle’s self-esteem, despite success in her career.
Two incidents that provoked much sympathy for Gaye occurred when Mildred threw water in Gayle’s face when, as a late teen, came home past her curfew. The other incident or series of incidents involve a very young Gayle being seated high up on the top of the refrigerator by Mildred or her two brothers (on instructions from Mildred).
Midway through the film, Gayle, now an adult living full time in New York City resolves her alienation from Mildred by researching her ancestral roots to have a better understanding of her mother’s upbringing.
“I learned that Mildred’s father was depressed and tried to commit suicide and that she lost a baby sister when she was young. I tried to imagine her fears and anxiety so that I could make sense of the abuse and resentment that she seemed to have for me,” said Gayle.
With the help of therapy, Gayle and Mildred are captured on film discussing their tense relationship. Without revealing how and why the relationship changes, Gayle and Mildred do experience a need to put their differences aside and learn to bond.
As trust and a renewed relationship takes place over the past six years, Gayle and Mildred develop some humorous moments in the film. One of those moments has Gayle teaming with Mildred to place an ad for a mother/daughter double date with a prospective single father and son.
One has to watch the film to see why this scene is so funny and an example of the new found quirky humor that has brought Gayle and Mildred closer together in their senior years.
Gayle now helps others who are victims of domestic abuse giving motivational speeches as a counselor and is a sought out speaker on this topic.
Gayle, who is now 69, is both a best friend and caretaker to her mother Mildred, who is now age 101 and quite spry. Mildred can walk freely without a cane or wheelchair, can still drive a car, is active in the evening and does not wear hearing aids.
In fact, Gayle and her centenarian mother often go cruising around the world and live at the Boca Pointe Country Club in Boca Raton.
“Look At Us Now, Mother” by filmmaker Gayle Kirschenbaum is a story of the abusive relationship of Gayle and her mother Mildred that is being screened on Tuesday, Jan. 21 at the Rose and Rose Levis Jewish Community Center, 21050 95th Ave. South in Boca Raton. Tickets are $10. To purchase tickets and more information, go to levisjcc.org or call 561-852-3200.
