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She hates the search for love.
A singleton who hasn’t had a boyfriend in 15 years says she’s “terrified” of going on dates and believes there’s a reason she may never find a partner.
Becky, a 32-year-old project manager from Bristol, England, is embarrassed by the amount of time she’s been without a boyfriend, which has led to overanalyzing and insecurity, leaving her trapped in a vicious cycle that keeps her single.
“I’ve been single for so long, I’m worried I’ll be single forever. I hear so many horror stories from dating,” Becky told NeedToKnow.
“I’ve never had a guy tell me they love me. I’m not sure I’d know if I was in love or not… I’ve felt embarrassed about these things for a long time.”
Two years ago, the Brit was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), which has impacted her mental health just as much as her physical health.
Becky had already been single for more than a decade before her MS diagnosis, with the health issue now another factor to think about when it comes to a relationship.
“I was really struggling with my mental health around how I felt embarrassed for still being single, how nervous I was in telling someone on a date that I have an MS diagnosis, and it felt like there must be something wrong with me,” she explained.
“I kept thinking ‘I will be single for the rest of my life’ and started blaming different things about me for that reason.”
Becky admits it takes a lot for her to open up, and says horror stories she has heard online have only added to her fears.
“I’m quite worried people will judge me, and I have a fear of rejection, so I try to avoid that happening wherever I can,” the Englishwoman sadly sated.
“I’m terrified to go on dates, I don’t know what to talk about, and I end up overanalyzing everything.”
However, Becky has started opening up online, candidly sharing her sad situation — and subsequently finding out she’s not alone as she thinks.
One video in particular struck a chord, per NeedToKnow, racking up more than 1.2 million views, over 20,000 likes and hundreds of comments.
One viewer wrote: “I know EXACTLY how you feel, but hear we ALL have our other half waiting to be found… I pray for you to find your true other half.”
Another said: “I’ve been single for about the same time and think ‘is this how it’s going to be for the next 40 years’ at least 5 times a day.”
“I think we all have those voices Beck,” another commiserated. “I’ve had imposter syndrome most of my life, always whispering I’m not as good as those around me. But they do quieten down in time.”
