How to navigate grief and loss during the holiday season

LOS ANGELES () — Grief can be a major stressor during the holidays.

The latest American Psychological Association survey found nearly half of Americans reported feeling lonely or sad during the holidays, often linked to missing loved ones.

“We’re in holiday spirit from November 1st until the new year. It’s a long time,” said Jessica Steinman, a licensed marriage and family therapist with No Matter What Recovery.

She added that grief compounds things for people dealing with addiction as well, and family relationships tend to complicate the holidays even more.

“When you’re with your family, that also can bring up old patterns, old dynamics,” said Steinman. “Stories from the past that might be troublesome for some.”

She said the holidays are not a time to bring up old battles. Let loved ones know that now is not the time to engage.

“We’re going to hold on to this or we can talk about this another time,” said Steinman.

Richard Flenoir of Los Angeles, who lost his mother Sandra during the height of the pandemic, finds that creating new rituals for himself — like taking along his mom’s pictures and listening to her voicemails — gives him strength.

“Staying connected,” he said. “I think that’s really a big part. Like my therapist says, ‘Stay connected.”

While some can be painful, memories are a source of comfort, and they can be especially consoling when you surround yourself with people who love and support you.

“Make some really special private moments for yourself in thinking or remembering that person,” said Steinman, who adds that family members can also do their part.

“Just try to be present and just be accepting of whoever and however they show up,” she said. “Feel all the feels you need to feel. Don’t try to avoid them. Don’t try to escape them. Don’t try to change them.”

Focusing on gratitude helps Flenoir stay centered. He’s had to take care of his brother since his mom passed away and counts that as a blessing.

“It’s really beautiful how the relationship me and my brother have now,” he said.