Weather 
Insert horror movie doom music — Friday the 13th is nigh, bringing with it a sense of general unease and some trying astrological transits.
Come Friday the 13th, Saturn, our planet of boundaries, punishment, and karma, moves into the hellfires of Aries, where it shall collide with Neptune, our luminary of dreams, delusions, poems, and broken promises.
Gentle, it ain’t.
History of Friday the 13th
First, let us address the ominous reputation.
The unlucky association of this day of days stretches back centuries to Nordic folklore. According to myth, the twelve primary deities of the Nordic pantheon threw a dinner party in Valhalla (fun).
The trickster god Loki showed up uninvited as the thirteenth guest and orchestrated the “murder by mistletoe” death of Balder the Beautiful, god of light and gladness. Balder’s death brought grief to the world and solidified the bad vibes of the number thirteen.
Fateful feasts continue in the Christian tradition.
Thirteen people were present at the Last Supper, and Judas, a probable Aries and the redheaded betrayer of JC, was the last to arrive, furthering the association between the number and imminent death or ruin.
And the hits keep on coming, folks.
Friday comes into biblical play in several ways; Jesus was crucified on the Friday after the Last Supper, and according to lore, Friday marks the day that a) Cain killed Abel and b) Eve offered Adam the forbidden fruit of knowledge.
Yikes.
Through the bible and beyond, Friday the 13th has played host to evil events that have further stoked its reputation as a big baddy.
Notable among these are the arrest and subsequent massacre of the Knights Templar in 1307, the bombing of Buckingham Palace in 1940, the murder of New Yorker Kitty Genovese in 1964, and the death of rapper Tupac Shakur in 1996.
Fear of this date is as deep as its history; there are even two terms to describe the phobia, each sounding remarkably like Ikea furniture — paraskavedekatriaphobia and friggatriskaidekaphobia, respectively.
However, for Taylor Swift, the number 13 and Friday the 13th are not cause for dread but celebration. Read more about Swift’s obsession with the odd digit here.
The astrology of Friday the 13th
In astrology, Friday belongs to Venus, the planet of love, beauty, attraction, assets, aesthetics, and ambient light.
And it just so happens that this year, Venus will be in the glitter gutter of Pisces on Friday the 13th.
Venus is exalted in Pisces, meaning it is primed to let its love light shine — and more likely to fall prey to delusions and the desire to hold on tight and hopeful to toxic partners and patterns.
Venus in Pisces is a ‘hearts dancing in our eyes,’ drunk on the dream and high on the fumes of fantasy type that sees the best — even, and especially — in the worst type of partner.
But flimsy fantasies are on the chopping block this Friday, thanks to Saturn, our parental planet of tough love, hard knocks, and karma, moving into the cauldron of Aries and the fated conjunction betwixt Saturn and Neptune.
“In the world of astrology, this is the ultimate confrontation between Delulu vs. Solulu,” Astrologer Babs Cheung, aka The Astro Translator, told The Post.
Cheung likens Saturn in Aries to a mob wife, “think wealth based on legacy, old school rules, and strict boundaries. She knows where the bodies are buried because she helped plan the dump.”
Meanwhile, she calls Neptune in Aries something of a new money influencer; “a flashy oversharer who’s convinced the rules don’t apply to them because their ‘aura is immaculate’.”
What happens when the two tango?
“When these two meet in the aggressive arena of Aries, it’s a bitch-slap heard ‘round the world. The ‘light and love’ narrative bubbles are popped by the reality of the times, and the illusions we’ve been living under are getting a cold glass of reality to the face.”
In what amounts to a true scary story, Cheung shared, “The lights are on, the vibes are dead, the check has arrived, and it’s now time to pay up or else.”
Who will be most affected by this horror show? Read on to learn more.
According to Cheung, the zodiac’s resident firebrand is getting cut down to size this weekend.
“Aries, the ‘Main Character’ fantasy is dead. Saturn is dragging you into a windowless room, slamming a folder of your failed impulses on the table, and asking: Who the hell do you think you are? This isn’t a conversation; it’s an interrogation. If you’ve been faking your way through your own life, it’s time to find out what’s left of you once the ‘influencer’ mask is ripped off,” said Cheung.
Despite their preference for pretty, Libra folk are fated to face some ugly truths this Friday.
“As the social butterfly that you are, Libra, your loyalty is your currency. Saturn is auditing your inner circle, and the results are looking cheap,” warned Cheung.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, and your current roster is full of mooks and liabilities. If your “friends” are just social climbers and Neptune-style dreamers, Saturn is handing you the scissors to prune the guest list.”
Cheung says it’s high time for Cancer folk to wise up, grow up, and get their bag.
“Cancer, enough with the get-rich-quick fantasies and the drop-shipping delusions, you’ve got to be less gullible. With Saturn hitting your 10th house, it’s time to go legit and take a page from the mob who stayed on top by opening real storefronts and buying the block,” said Cheung.
“If your career has been built on Neptune-style ‘manifesting’ and vague hope, this is the bootcamp transit you need in intentional empire-building.”
“Capricorn, make sure your side of the street is clean, because any blood you leave behind is a trail to your front door,” said Cheung.
“Whatever chaos you’ve been hiding in your private life is at risk of rupturing onto your front lawn. Handle your domestic messes quickly and discreetly before the neighbors start talking.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
