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In modern dating, some unspoken rules can contribute to the success — or premature demise — of an early-days courtship.
Most of us know the classics — don’t bring up exes in conversation too early, be available (but not too available) when making plans, and when it’s time to pay on the first date, at least offer to foot the bill.
But what are the do’s and don’ts for texting with a potential beau-to-be — specifically, when it comes to sending emojis?
According to Emojipedia, the three most popular options of the 3,953 officially recognized emojis through Unicode 17.0 are the red heart, loud crying face and the burst of golden sparkles.
But Lauren Tetenbaum — a NYC-based psychotherapist working primarily with women in their 20s through 40s — advises exercising restraint when utilizing the ubiquitous icons to communicate with a potential match.
“I think emoji use depends on how long you’ve known each other — and how authentic it feels to use them,” Tetenbaum told The Post.
“In general, (my clients) strongly prefer meeting their potential date in-person, rather than texting,” she said. “‘I’m not looking for a pen pal’ is a frequent refrain I hear, whether it’s before date one or 10.”
“So if you’re in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, try to avoid overdoing the texts, including emojis,” Tetenbaum continued.
The relationship-savvy shrink confessed to personally using emojis often — like any “married, millennial mom” would — and counts the melting face and double pink hearts as personal faves. She emphasized that those who find emoji use natural while texting don’t need to give up the habit completely while texting a potential partner — it’s just important that you stick to “lighthearted” choices.
“You don’t want to use any of the extreme facial expression ones, like the laugh-cry emoji, excessively — was the text you are replying to really that funny?” Tetenbaum said. “Also try not to use overly sexual emojis in a serious context, especially if you haven’t reached the sexting stage (or, ever, depending on your partner’s energy!).”
Anni Kim, a 33-year-old L.A.-based aesthetic injector who is currently single after a divorce and searching for love, counted the red panting face, flame emoji, and of course, the eggplant, followed by three water droplets as personal dating “ick’s.”
“It’s the equivalent of being catcalled,” Kim told The Post. “Everyone knows what those emojis allude to…Guys will use these emojis, but if you call them out on it, then they retreat.”
“If a guy sends me the eggplant to describe himself, I want to send back the throwing-up face, because I know it’s not true,” Danit Sibovits, a 42-year-old comedian and dater in NYC, added.
“If they’re leading with how big their d–k is or how they know they can satisfy me, it’s usually the opposite. They are insecure and bullsh–ting,” she told The Post.
Scott Siepker, a film producer based in Des Moines, Iowa, has taken similarly spirited advice from his female exes to heart,
“I’ve learned from multiple women I’ve dated that guys go to the eggplant or water droplets emojis way too fast,” he said.
“Fellas — you can’t skip the small talk and go straight to Pornhub on the first or second text,” he joked to The Post.
It’s not just the overtly sexual emojis that daters should exercise caution with, either. Even seemingly innocuous images like the “thumbs-up” can send a subliminal message that the sender may not intend.
“There’s nothing I hate more than when a man gives a thumbs up emoji, or ‘hearts’ a message rather than using his words like an adult and forming a proper sentence like, ‘Sounds great, can’t wait,’” Nikki Marie, a 43-year-old in downtown Manhattan who was attracted to her now-boyfriend for his “expressive” communication style, told The Post. “That extra written communication goes a long way and says a lot about a person.”
Top Gotham matchmaker Bonnie Winston added that there are indeed “toxic” emojis that are always no-no’s — even beyond dating.
“You are what you send,” Winston told The Post. “So don’t send the ‘pile of poo’ emoji to anyone for any reason, ever!”
Ultimately, Winston advised that when it comes to swapping emojis while texting with a possible partner-to-be, keeping thorough communication at the forefront is key.
“Less is more when it comes to texting with emojis,” said Winston. “Words have more meaning, and obviously take more thought. Emojis can be fun, but they can also be lazy. Before sending any emoji, ask yourself, ‘How would I feel receiving this?’ If it’s a string of emojis, that is not a serious conversation and feels very childish. Follow the golden rule, and do unto others.”
