Weather 
For some New Yorkers, crossing the East River is a romantic adventure.
For others, it’s a logistical nightmare measured in subway delays, transfers and rapidly fading interest.
In a city of 8 million, love may be everywhere — but it still comes with a zip code.
And for many singles, a potential suitor’s borough ranks right up there with height, salary and abs on the ever-growing list of strict dealbreakers.
Paula Jannell, 25, of Ridgewood, Queens, and her boyfriend, Devin Amaro, 25, of nearby Maspeth, Queens, are among the picky couples who prefer to keep their relationship local.
“Dating someone in another borough on the opposite side of the city instantly makes it a huge commitment,” Jannell told The Post.
As someone who’s never experienced the hassle of being in a long-distance relationship, “I love that my boyfriend lives within walking distance from me. It makes a big difference being able to see him without a huge commute. It’s a big pro.”
Being close in proximity to her boyfriend, whom Jannell was introduced to through mutual friends, means less commuting, more quality time, and fewer headaches when planning a day together.
“Depending on where you live, 40 minutes is the standard and typical basis for going most places in New York, but if you’re dating someone who is one hour or more away, that’s so tough,” she said.
“You’d obviously want to see them multiple times a week.”
When Jannell has a “bad day,” she’s able to walk to Amaro and “find solace and comfort easily,” she noted, and this is something she’s “so grateful for.”
Amaro, of course, is also thrilled to live close to his better half.
He adds a commuter reality check: “I’d say it would be ‘cooked’ if someone lived in Canarsie, Brooklyn and wanted to date someone in Whitestone, Queens. That’s a horrible commute.”
You’re technically next door borough-wise, he said, but getting there is a nightmare — trains don’t connect smoothly, and the transfers are a headache.
Now that they’ve lived within walking distance of a partner, they wouldn’t want it any other way and “couldn’t imagine” dating from across a different borough, Amaro said.
The two agreed that a commute “over 40 minutes” could be a dealbreaker for many couples.
“If I ever had to take a commute like that, I’d really, really have to like the person,” he added, stressing that a commute “over an hour” to a partner, like “The Bronx to Far Rockaway,” still doesn’t feel doable in New York City.
On social media, countless viral clips show NYC couples joking about being in a “long-distance relationship” — even though they live in the same city.
Some brave women film themselves hauling suitcases from deep Brooklyn to The Bronx just to spend a weekend with their boyfriends, while others warn: dating across borough lines is “not for the weak.”
“Another borough might as well be another country,” one New Yorker quipped as another joked that she just had to “quickly take the L to the J to the 5 to the 6 to the 7” to be with her babe.
And other Big Apple residents say they won’t even entertain the idea of dating outside their own borough — or won’t budge an inch from their home neighborhood to see a partner over 40 minutes away.
Thinking of trekking in from New Jersey to keep a New York City romance alive? Fuhgeddaboudit.
One man put it bluntly on Reddit, asking, “Is living in NJ killing my chances with NYC women?” For countless commenters, the answer was a resounding yes.
“People like convenience, especially in the early phases of dating,” a commenter on the thread pointed out.
New York City-based dating coach Stevie Bowen calls this zip code dilemma “interborough dating,” a relationship rollercoaster measured in minutes, transfers, and Uber surges.
“In NYC, the physical distance between boroughs may seem short, but the time it takes to travel that distance can take more than an hour,” she told The Post.
Bowen notes that commuting isn’t just about miles — it’s about time, money, and mental energy.
Unreliable subways and pricey car rides turn every date or night out together into a mini logistical puzzle.
This, she stresses, makes interborough dating feel a lot like a “classic long-distance relationship.”
“Time management, mental space, and fairness are the most common challenges couples face when they live in different boroughs,” Bowen added.
While many won’t even look in another single’s direction if they live further than a few miles away, other couples, like Coney Island-resident Jacob Berkowitz and his Upper West Sider girlfriend Emily, are willing to put in the work — and strenuous commute.
Berkowitz and Emily, who declined to use her last name, have been dating for three years and met while working in Flatbush, Brooklyn: he as the debate and public speaking director, Emily as the drama and theater director of a charter school.
Now, no longer coworkers but still romantic partners, the duo navigate what many New Yorkers would call a nightmare commute just for some quality time together.
“Door to door, and if the train gods are kind to me, it takes an hour and a half to get to each other’s places,” Berkowitz, 29, told The Post.
To make it work, Berkowitz has to plan carefully and communicate constantly. “On a weekend without the express trains, the commute takes even longer,” he explains.
His multi-train trek — D to 2/3, N to 2/3, or Q to B to 2/3 — has “presented its challenges” in the relationship, especially on days when he’s home and wants to see her.
Luckily, his work office being in Manhattan helps. “It works out as far as I’m already out here anyway, so it makes it easier,” the PR rep says, as he can easily get to her Upper West Side apartment from Midtown.
Emily, on the other hand, “doesn’t take the trek to Coney Island” often.
“I don’t really blame her,” Berkowitz adds.
“In the summer, she does come to Coney Island due to the attractive nature of the boardwalk and beach, which I live on, but for the rest of the year, I’m the one doing the commuting, which can get tiresome.”
Still, he insists it’s worth it. “What would I say to other New Yorkers trying to date someone who lives across the boroughs? You have to love the person, but most importantly, you have to love the city.”
“Both people in the relationship have to sacrifice time to commute back and forth,” Berkowitz added.
As a relationship expert, Bowen actually “encourages” Gotham singles to “try interborough dating” — if they’re willing to put in the work.
“Be open to the possibility and share any hesitations you have with the person you’re dating about commuting between your boroughs. Allow them to help solve the challenge with you,” she says.
She adds that honesty is key: if the commute ever feels like too much, talking it through will show whether your partner is willing to meet you halfway.
“If they are aligned with you, they will work with you to help relieve the stress,” she continued.
Like every relationship, you need to be on the same page. And for interborough relationships, that’s commuting expectations, she notes.
“When you need to be at yours for the weekend or are feeling overwhelmed with the travel, you need to be brave enough to share that with your partner.”
One helpful mindset shift Bowen shares is to remember — “it’s the two of you against the commute.”
As Berkowitz and his partner would agree, Bowen emphasizes that dating across boroughs “takes effort, but if you continue to communicate through it, you’ll build a strong foundation from the start.”
If you’re dating someone who ever tries to blame a breakup on a commute, in Bowen’s view, that says more about your compatibility than any subway line ever could.
“Then, you have your answer. I believe ‘interborough dating’ is a benefit to the NYC dating scene, and we are holding ourselves back if we aren’t at least open to trying it.”
