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DEAR ABBY: My sister recently became very ill and had to be hospitalized for four days. When I called and told our daughter, she was concerned and supportive. Then, I called our son, “Isaac,” and left a message to please call me because it was important. He did not return my call.
A couple days later, my husband left another message for Isaac to call. He finally sent us a picture of himself and his family at Disneyland in California. He was on vacation with his wife and two kids and didn’t want to be bothered. After he got back, he waited a few days to call me.
I am hurt and disappointed in Isaac. We live in Texas, and they go to Disneyland three or four times a year. I think Isaac should have taken five minutes to return my call so I could fill him in about the situation with his aunt. Because of this, I no longer feel as close to my son. In fact, I feel I’m very unimportant to him. Am I wrong to be sad and disappointed? Is it common for close relatives not to respond when they are on vacation? My sister is now recovering, but her illness has taken a huge toll on her. — DISILLUSIONED IN TEXAS
DEAR DISILLUSIONED: What a rude awakening you had. That you are hurt and disappointed is understandable. Have you been in the habit of calling your son at inconvenient times? I can’t think of another reason why he would fail to respond to your urgent request to talk with him.
Your son appears to be self-centered and emotionally distanced from you and the family. If this is the first time you have noticed, pay attention to it. If you need a support system as you and your husband grow older, do not take it for granted that Isaac will be there for you.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old woman who still works full time. My husband is 65 and retired. Unfortunately, he has severe back issues that prevent him from doing much. He’s unable to walk or ride long distances or even sleep well at night.
When I get home from work, I cook dinner and clean up, but by then he’s asleep in the living room, and I am unable to entertain myself. He controls the TV, and I’m stuck watching old shows from the ’50s and ’60s. I feel so isolated. We can’t go anywhere or do anything. I am the loneliest married woman I know.
My husband is currently good and kind, but he is getting more easily frustrated by everything. Should I stay or go? — WAFFLING IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR WAFFLING: Where you should go is straight to a store that sells television sets. Buy one for yourself and place it in a room your husband doesn’t sleep in. This should solve part of your problem. As to your husband’s increasing level of frustration, this should be discussed with his doctor. Neither of you is in a particularly happy place right now, but this might be a step in the right direction.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
