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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating “Rita” for four months. We peck on the lips, hug and hold hands, but we have had only one real kiss so far. Rita was first married for 22 years to an emotionally abusive man and then remarried to a manipulative one. She said we were going too fast and she wanted to slow down. I understood and have exerted no pressure on her.
Rita has cancelled dates for various reasons and gone silent for a day here and there. She says she’s not talking to anyone else, and neither am I. I have told her she is worth the wait. I have fallen hard for her and have serious intentions about her.
Rita says she has strong feelings for me and that I treat her better than any man she has ever been involved with, but she doesn’t know how to handle the feelings. How long should I give her to figure out what she wants this relationship to be?
I’m not worried about sex or anything like that, but four months without even calling us “dating” or “girlfriend and boyfriend” has me worried that I am, for a lack of a better description, wasting my time with her. What would you advise me to do? — TAKING IT SLOW IN VIRGINIA
DEAR TAKING IT SLOW: Continue allowing your relationship with Rita to develop slowly. The woman has had two unsuccessful marriages, so it’s no wonder she’s slow to commit. If, after a year (eight months from now), Rita still feels uncomfortable calling you “boyfriend” or “companion,” revisit the conversation and decide then if you have invested enough time.
DEAR ABBY: After reading so many horrible letters sent to you from people about their mothers-in-law, I feel compelled to write to you about mine. I met her 43 years ago when I was dating her oldest son (now my husband). From the moment we met, she treated me with caring, acceptance and love. She and my father-in-law raised five amazing children, and they treated their children’s spouses as if we were their own. She devoted her entire life to caring for and nurturing her husband, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Unfortunately, we just lost this beautiful woman at the age of 89 to a long and difficult battle with Parkinson’s and dementia. We watched her “sparkle” slowly fade away, but we will carry her amazing legacy with us always. I hope I can be half the MIL to my children’s spouses that she was to me.
I also hope that all those who aren’t as lucky as I was can find some common ground with their mothers-in-law — especially if there are children involved. I LOVE YOU, MOM! — FORTUNATE IN NEW YORK
DEAR FORTUNATE: Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to a woman who made such a positive difference in the lives of those she touched. Not only were you fortunate to be a member of such a warm and loving family, but she was also lucky to have a daughter-in-law like you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,” send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
