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Comedian Bert Kreischer isn’t known for holding anything back.
The 53-year-old funnyman appeared alongside Bunnie Xo on the Sunday, January 4, episode of her “Dumb Blonde” podcast to talk about all things sex and weight loss. As expected, things got a little TMI between them.
Bert spoke very highly of his wife, LeeAnn Kreischer, but offered some rather intimate details about what goes on behind closed doors.
“LeeAnn’s going to f***ing kill me. I told her. I was like, ‘Yo, porn wasn’t doing it for me.’ I think it’s because she’s so authentically her and the things that she has turned me on,” Bert explained. “I said, ‘Hey, I need close up pictures of your body parts. For me.’ … So I have a hidden folder, and they’re just pictures. You can’t see LeeAnn’s face, but they’re pictures of her body parts.”
Bert said it’s become an inside joke between the married couple, noting that they text each other a feather emoji when they’re talking about sex.
“I didn’t think I was gonna be attracted to someone like LeeAnn,” he admitted. “When I got naked with her for the first time, I’d never experienced that feeling. I don’t know if it makes total sense, but I felt like she was sharing a secret with me. I felt like she didn’t get naked with a lot of people. That energy, I liked.”
Keep scrolling for the wildest moments from Kreischer on the “Dumb Blonde” podcast:
His 20-Pound Weight Loss
Bert revealed that he’s started Mounjaro, a popular weight loss drug used primarily to treat diabetes, and is “down 20 pounds in two weeks.” The comedian explained that his “sparkle is gone” in his life because he can’t eat anymore.
“The side effects are aggressive. I got into a huge blowout fight with [19-year-old daughter] Ila and Leanne, like a three way fight. They were in the car,” he said. “She’s just a talking head for Leanne. Whatever Leanne says, she goes, ‘You gotta listen to mom. She has all the answers, dad.’ I’m like, ‘She does not have all the answers.’”
Elsewhere in the episode, Bert said the Mounjaro did “incite a physical illness” within him.
“I couldn’t tell if it was me making myself ill or if it was the medicine making myself ill. I’ve always had a weird thing about my throat closing,” he said. “I threw up violently in LAX. I don’t think it was Mounjaro. I don’t know what it was.”
A 1-Time BDSM Experience
Bert recalled working with a dominatrix for a TV show, in which he was getting paid $13,000 an episode. He was dating LeeAnn at the time of this experience.
“She got me totally naked,” he recalled. “Tortured my ba***, c***, everything.”
Bert admitted he was “not at all” into it, but briefly got turned on when being rubbed inside a latex suit.
“The safe word was marshmallow. She did one thing to me at the very end, and I said, ‘Marshmallow.’” he recalled. “She went, ‘It shouldn’t hurt.’ I said, ‘No, I think I’m actually getting turned on, and I don’t want to be turned on.’”
Reflecting on His Sex Life
Bert said he only slept with “six chicks” before marrying his wife.
“I don’t think I ever got comfortable having sex with someone until the end,” he said, telling his listeners that he’ll often thank his wife for “ for letting me be who I am in bed.”
Thoughts Before Having Sex
The comedian said he was 14 when he “wanted” to have sex for the first time.
“[At] 15. I’m like, ‘OK any minute now.’ At 16, I’m like, ‘Maybe I’m gay.’ Why isn’t this happening? What is happening,” he said. “At 17, I met a girl, and I knew she had had sex. So I was like, ‘All right, this is a possibility.’ We started dating.”
Losing His Virginity
“The first time I had sex, it went so poorly that I was not doing that with anyone else, unless I really trust them,” Bert revealed, noting that he was 17 when he lost his virginity.
Bert called the experience a “f***ing nightmare” overall.
“After that, I started getting anxiety attacks. I was like, ‘I have AIDS. I got her pregnant. I’m not ready to be a parent. I’m never doing this again,’” he continued. “So I waited another, probably, two years to have sex.”
The Craziest Thing He’s Done Naked
When it comes to the most out of pocket thing the comedian has done sans clothes, Berg explained that he “went down a slip and slide naked and “cut my ass.”
“I took a s*** on a pizza box to win an election in college, and it worked out,” he added of his clothes-free exploits. “I won the election, A, and then B, it got written up in Rolling Stone and became folklore.”
When he was a freshman in college at Florida State University, Bert made getting naked his thing.
“I’m in the group of guys that getting naked never bothered me, right,” he said. “Now I almost have a problem with it.”
His Drug Experiences
It’s been years since Bert has done cocaine, except his wife nearly let him do it at a party once.
“She was like, ‘Yeah, I’m not your mom. … But listen, if you do it, you can’t come home tonight,’” he recalled. “I haven’t done coke, God, since I lived in New York, I think.”
He added, “I enjoyed it very much, but the next day was really tough for me. Crazy. I don’t think I could ever do it again, just knowing what the next day was. I don’t think I could enjoy it knowing this is coming up.”
