Weather 
Your father might not have been comfortable talking about his feelings, but these days, more men, and particularly new fathers, are fessing up to being sad dads.
Postpartum depression — a severe and long-lasting mood disorder affecting new parents — is self-reported in approximately 12% to 16% of US women, according to the Centers for Disease Control.
It’s triggered by hormonal changes after childbirth (although the causes are multifarious and not fully understood).
But, fellas, you might be shocked to learn that you can get the baby blues, too, and they affect a whopping 10% of new dads — not far off from the number of diagnosed women. And that ballpark number is probably low.
“Are men reluctant or unwilling to report this? I mean, yeah, come on,” said Sean Leonard, a psychiatric nurse practitioner specializing in mood disorders (among other psychiatric sicknesses) at Healthy Life Recovery: San Diego Drug & Alcohol Rehab. “They’re reluctant to say that they’re depressed, and then why they are depressed.”
While men don’t experience the hormonal roller coaster that new moms are subjected to — testosterone does, however, significantly drop in new fathers, studies show — the lifestyle changes that come with parenthood can be just as distressing.
Sleepless nights and long days at the office are draining. Instead of a hot dinner served up with some Netflix and chill, you’re going to arrive home from work just in time for the witching hour. Suddenly, you are squarely in second place.
Or, if you’re one of those newfangled stay-at-home dads (18% of us now are!) the loss of identity and isolation can dampen the glow from your bundle of joy and lead to difficulties with bonding — which in turns creates feelings of guilt.
“Fatherhood affects where you live. It affects how you socialize. It affects your finances,” said Leonard.
More slings and arrows still: dad bod starts now. Skipping exercise and overeating are normal for new parents. Stir in some chronic fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, headaches, and muscle tension, and you’ve got a cocktail called male postpartum. You’ve officially gone from “father knows best” to “father is depressed.”
“Back in the day, it was just presumed that the mom would take care of the child, and dads are the providers,” said Dr. Bonnie J. Mitchell, who specializes in behavioral health. “But in today’s society, that’s not always the case. Dads are taking more of an active role with newborns.”
Still, she said, when it all becomes too much, men are often reluctant to call a spade a spade.
“Guys don’t necessarily believe that it could be depression,” she added. “They might say they are feeling fatigued, irritable or inadequate, because their idea of what a dad is supposed to be isn’t what they’re feeling in that moment. I love the word feelings because most men still have a stigma about feelings and emotions.”
So what’s a guy to do? The prescription for beating masculine melancholia is simple, doctors say: Don’t model your own behavior on your father’s. You’ve got to get in touch with that squishy stuff and seek help.
The good news is that the latest generation of first-time fathers is already finding it easier.
“We are in a society now where more and more individuals that are under the age of 30 are really in touch with their emotions,” said Dr. Mitchell.
Next, it’s time to develop coping skills, such as seeking social support (like joining a new dad’s group), engaging in regular exercise (hiring a trainer will help), practicing mindfulness, cleaning up your sleep hygiene and maintaining a healthy diet (easier said than done, we know). Simply put, make time — and you’ll have to make it — for the things you love.
“It’s amazing how much getting back into your regular routine can help, especially because a lot of dads feel helpless,” said Dr. Mitchell. “They see that mom is frustrated, tired, exhausted, and they don’t know what to do to fix it.”
Then, if that’s still not enough, it’s time to swallow the pill.
“The treatments for this are great,” said Leonard — and he should know, he’s a seasoned father of seven.
“But all medications have side effects. So in my practice, we do a lot of gene-site testing [a test that analyzes how your genes may affect medication outcomes] to make sure the medication you’re on works.”
Still, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and the best thing an expecting father can do is to get educated and get prepared for what is to come.
“Men can cry. Men can get depressed. It’s about knowing the symptoms and who to talk to,” he said. “Pediatricians also need to be proactive in telling newborn parents, ‘By the way, depression is authentic in women and men,’ to make them feel it’s something you can say, to get rid of that stigma.”
