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DEAR ABBY: As an 80-year-old man, I’m up against a problem I cannot deal with. I’ve been married to an amazing lady for 57 years, whom I love to death. She has put up with a lot from me, and I am so grateful. Now it’s my turn, and I’m falling woefully short.
Her mother died of complications from dementia, as did her older brother. My mother had it as well. We had always lived some distance from them, so we didn’t see firsthand the trials and tribulations they went through daily, just the end result.
My wife was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment a few years ago. I was able to get her enrolled in a clinical trial they had hoped would arrest its progress, but it didn’t. She can no longer be trusted to drive, having totaled her car a few years ago.
Along with dementia, she is now a hoarder. She will not throw anything away. When I suggest we hire some help, she acts like I’m throwing her out on the street. I have no friends and very few acquaintances between doing all the grocery shopping, keeping the house repaired, driving her to doctor appointments, etc. I recently joined a fitness gym that I have used only twice.
My wife’s two sisters live hundreds of miles from us and have somewhat impaired husbands of their own. Our three grown sons think she is not too bad, and only two live within an hour of us. For her sake, my only options are not good. — BEWILDERED IN TEXAS
DEAR BEWILDERED: You have my sympathy as you deal with this heartbreaking condition. The most important thing to remember is that if you don’t take care of yourself, there will be no one to take care of your wife. That means if you need to hire help, you must do so, regardless of your wife’s feelings on the matter. At the very least, have someone come in to look after her so you can shop and use that gym membership a few times each week. The stronger your body is, the better you’ll be able to care for your wife.
I urge you to visit the Alzheimer’s Association at alz.org or call the 24-hour helpline at 1-800-272-3900. They have a wealth of information and resources for caregivers. You may have more options than you think.
DEAR ABBY: My husband yawns loudly over and over when we are watching TV in the evening. I have asked him to please not be so loud when he yawns, and he gets annoyed that I asked. He still yawns loudly many times a day. How do I get him to stop making a production of his yawning? — BLASTED OUT IN IDAHO
DEAR BLASTED OUT: Folks have been known to yawn excessively because they aren’t getting enough oxygen or suffer from sleep apnea. I doubt your husband does this just to annoy you. It might benefit him to mention all that yawning to his physician in case it needs to be checked out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
