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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Evan,” and his mother, “Mitzi,” tell people they are siblings. I love my boyfriend, but I don’t feel comfortable lying for him, and I wish he wouldn’t lie for his mother. Evan is in his early 30s. His mother is in her early 50s, though she tells people she is 10 years younger.
Mitzi has worked in the hospitality industry since Evan was a young child. Back then, she claims restaurant managers wouldn’t give parents preferred shifts due to their childcare-related schedule conflicts. For her entire career, she has kept up the lie that she’s younger than she is and childless, and that Evan is actually her brother. She now claims that if the managers she works for knew her real age, they would discriminate against her because she’s older than the other young, hip bartenders.
Evan has worked with his mother at several restaurants and has helped her keep up the lie with co-workers and mutual friends they have met at various jobs over the years. My instincts tell me the real reason his mother doesn’t fess up now is because she doesn’t want to tell longtime acquaintances she has been lying to them for years.
I wouldn’t want to blow her cover if this false narrative really protects her in her industry. There have been several instances where I have interacted with these misinformed friends, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Evan hasn’t asked me to lie to his friends for him, but I know if I don’t, his social circle would be confused and likely hurt. I don’t want to lie, but I’m also scared of the consequences of telling the truth or accidentally spilling the beans. Please help! — TANGLED WEB
DEAR TANGLED WEB: Do any of these folks come out and ask you how old Evan’s mother is or whether they might not be brother and sister? Ageism is a fact, and many people lie about their ages for any number of reasons. If being involved with two people who are untruthful about their circumstances makes you uncomfortable, then you need to rethink the relationship. From where I sit, you are about to put your foot on the third rail, my dear, and if you do, it doesn’t take a crystal ball to predict that your relationship with your boyfriend and his mother will vaporize.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old woman who can’t stop overthinking. Lately, more than ever, I realize that I’m still alone, have not found anybody to settle down with and have no children. When I scroll on social media, I see all my friends who have recently married or had babies. It appears that they are all progressing and are happily content. Am I doing something wrong? Where should I be spending my time? Am I worried about the wrong things? Should I just let things be the way they are? — OVERLOOKED IN IOWA
DEAR OVERLOOKED: Please stop comparing yourself to your friends. What you perceive they have is not important. Think honestly about your own life and desires. Are you actually lonely? If so, seek out social groups in your areas of interest. As you make new friends, remember to stay open to romance, but don’t obsess about it. If you simply try to have fun with people, you may be surprised by what develops.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
