Weather 
When you hear of an “adult summer camp” taking place in Bushwick in late summer that hundreds are eagerly signing up for, you might think it includes thrift shopping, axe-throwing or a psychic reading with some R & R mixed in.
Think again.
When I first learned of Camp MorningWood — a steamy 24-hour sex party that will soon become an annual event and had a tagline of “Bears and beavers and pitched tents, oh, my!”— I figured it wasn’t going to include beading bracelets and singing Kumbaya.
But as someone who’s no stranger to sexy gatherings — I recently attended the world’s wildest and naughtiest swingers convention — I still wasn’t quite prepared for just how dirty this naughty nod to the wilderness escapes of yore would turn out to be.
Camp Morningwood was held at the “Villa,” one of three Bushwick houses (the Lodge, Villa and Tower) operated by the Hacienda sex club, an organization that throws some of the wildest various themed sex parties in NYC for members and non-members alike.
It ran from 8 p.m. this past Saturday night to 8 p.m. Sunday, with over 110 guests in attendance.
Tickets ranged from $54 to $130, depending on how many of the three 8-hour shifts (nighttime, overnight, and daytime) a guest attended, with about half bunking down together for the full 24 hours.
Upon arriving, I was buzzed through the Villa’s front door for my tickets to be checked and my outfit approved.
No one was getting in without a sexy, camp-themed costume, which made sense as a swarm of eager attendees clad in neck kerchiefs paired with a pair of skimpy khakis and a slew of open shirts that revealed heaving breasts and shorts cut high enough to reveal male and female butts alike ran past me.
The night started fast, with all 100-something attendees joined together in a darkened basement playspace lit mostly by flashing strings of light and the occasional red bulb, empty mattresses on the floor waiting to be put to good use.
No one wasted any time, as just a few minutes after 8 pm, a contest where couples (of any gender combination) were pitted against one another to see who could manage the most sex positions and engage in them for a full 30 seconds was already underway.
Not long after it started, only two of the original four couples were left.
The competition was fierce as both made their way through missionary, doggie-style, cowgirl, the heelbarrow, and the bridge, with fatigue obviously setting in as they next attempted the Inverted 69.
It was sexy chaos, to say the least.
As I meandered throughout the house and half-naked bodies, I noticed a BYOB bar, a hot tub filled with naked bodies (which counted as a “water activity”) and a backyard fire pit surrounded by couches and numerous playspaces. Oh, so many playspaces.
Knot-tying was taught—although Shibari-style, including a rope chest harness criss-crossing a woman’s naked bosom to hold up the breasts.
Of course there were s’mores, or perhaps “adult” s’mores, I should say, as it didn’t take all that much imagination to figure out how to incorporate melted marshmallow and chocolate into sex play.
Badges were earned, too — not for CPR or sailing though, but “Surviving All 24 hours Of Camp”; “Trying ‘Something’ New” and “Group Play.”
As a gentleman of a certain age, I knew I couldn’t win any such competitions, but as I crowd beforehand, I intended to run away with the over-55 division—a division I made up and in which, frankly, I figured to be the only contestant.
But with the tragic (for me) appearance of a silver-haired, sixty-something fellow built like an Olympic gymnast and copulating like an impassioned billy goat, I knew I had no chance. The guy was obviously a ringer.
Since appetites were bound to be worked up after all the sexy, fun play — the camp “canteen” was a kitchen ruled over by one of the party’s producers (one of two who operate the party), a woman named “Peaches” whose 24-hour shift was spent trying to keep her guests “f—ed and fed.”
As yummy as Peaches’ cooking was, the woman managed to make it sexy, too. A curvaceous gal – she calls herself a “plus-sized, Coke bottle” of a woman – Peaches was clad in a flannel onesie with a message on her ass to “Look, But Don’t Touch.”
Peaches’ food was so good some people ate more than they screwed – and by “some people” I mean me. I was mostly too tired to seduce a woman, but I had more than enough energy to snack all night long on cheeseburgers, chocolate mousse, mozzarella sticks and sliced fruit.
And, expectedly, everywhere I turned, sex was happening in every one of the 14 bedrooms. Sex in the Mirror Room, sex in the Princess Room, sex in the Voyeur Room, and sex in the basement.
Sex, sex, sex. One couple apparently crept into a camp tent and zippered it closed, no one realizing what they were up to until it began bouncing across the floor.
After a solid 8 hours of camp “play,” at 4 a.m. the basement was cleaned, the lights turned low and the bed linens were changed.
Tired party guests retired downstairs to snooze the night away, although just like the summer camps we all remember, there were campers whispering and giggling under the covers, others sneaking their way from one person to the next.
After 8 hours of sleepy time, things picked up again at noon. Some new, day-shift campers immediately got busy, but most of the Sunday sex scenes involved those full-day attendees competing in the granddaddy of all Camp MorningWood’s contests: “Body count,” which was a 24-hour challenge to see who could enjoy erotic interludes with the most amount of guests.
The prize? Free t-shirt!
Females almost always win this competition, but one fella’ to remain unnamed made an unexpected run for the prize, enjoying eight partners. While that number earned that guy 3rd place, he laughed that he didn’t win, only to be a good sport.
“I could’ve destroyed the winning number…”
Second place went to a 50-something, multi-orgasmic woman whose career in a STEM field means she uses a spreadsheet daily in pursuit of her own “orgasmic efficiency.”
But the 24-hour sex contest winner was a woman who went by the name “Bella,” who came roaring back in the party’s last hour to claim the trophy. With three tasty trysts in those last 60 minutes, Bella’s total of 12 earned her the victory.
Bragging rights and the t-shirt were hers.
Even more than that naughty success, though, Bella showed a deep understanding of what really made Camp MorningWood special.
“We’re all encouraging each other, discussing strategies to make it through the full 24 hours. There’s so much camaraderie since we’re all in it together, and we’re together for so long. All our parties are fun, but this one is really memorable.”
