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DEAR ABBY: I’m 56 years old and have been married for 12 years. I don’t want to drive an hour and a half to spend time with my husband’s grandbabies. I have done that on many occasions and choose not to do it anymore. I’m not into babies — or children, for that matter. He continues to ask me to go and can’t understand why I don’t want to. I have no problem with him going (I encourage him to go), but he won’t let up on me, and it’s driving me away. Am I wrong to prefer not to go? — CHILD-FREE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CHILD-FREE: Has it occurred to you that your husband may not want to drive an hour and a half to visit the “grandbabies” any more than you do? He may need you for backup. Sometimes in a marriage, we do things for our partner that may not be our favorite pastime, but we do it for love. You should not have to make that pilgrimage every time your husband does, but the nice thing to do would be to accompany him more times than not. And do it with a smile.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is serving a life sentence, with the possibility of parole. He turned himself in a year and a half ago for a crime that happened 15 years ago.
I met someone seven months ago. This man is involved in his church and has a ministry in which he feeds the homeless. I’m not sure at this point what our future holds. I feel so guilty at times. Please help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. — CONFLICTED IN GEORGIA
DEAR CONFLICTED: This is something I think you should discuss with your incarcerated husband. When you do, explain that you don’t think you can live like a widow, possibly for decades. Decide together how you should proceed. However, please remember you have been involved with this new person for a relatively short time, and there is no guarantee that your relationship will become permanent.
DEAR ABBY: Our friend “Leo” married a girl who treats him poorly. She degrades him in front of people about his finances, weight, looks, etc. They have been married only a couple of years and have no kids. Leo is a great person, and his mental health is getting beaten down daily. Should we say something to him? We want him to know we would support him if he wanted to divorce her. He has limited family — his friends are family. — STEPPING UP IN IDAHO
DEAR STEPPING UP: Because you and Leo’s other friends believe he is being abused, I see no reason to remain silent and pretend it isn’t happening. An intervention may be called for, as well as an opportunity to reinforce the message that you are all there for him regardless of what he chooses to do about his marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
