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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, and we’re great together. We have a mutual friend who is married and, in the past, showed interest in my boyfriend. She has asked him not to show me the texts she sends him. We are both concerned about her and her husband, as they are going through marriage counseling.
I have told my boyfriend this means she wants to have a private and secret relationship with him via the texting and it is concerning. He’s trying to be supportive of her, as they have been friends for a couple of years. What do you think? — FEELING ANXIOUS IN MINNESOTA
DEAR FEELING ANXIOUS: Your boyfriend is kind-hearted, but he shouldn’t agree to a secret relationship with his friend’s wife. (I assume he is friends with both of them.) Since you asked, I think you and your boyfriend should tell the woman together that neither of you thinks what she’s suggesting is a healthy idea for any of the four of you.
DEAR ABBY: My brother and his family have been estranged from me for 30 years (by his ex-wife’s choice). He didn’t speak to our mother for 10 years after she came to live with me. Four years ago, I connected with his middle daughter, and we became close. She was the only member of that family who attended her grandmother’s funeral.
My niece was recently murdered by her husband, who then died by suicide. I wasn’t contacted by anyone about it. I have been agonizing over whether to attend the funeral (if I can find out when and where), and what to say if I do. What do you advise? — CUT OFF IN WASHINGTON
DEAR CUT OFF: What a tragedy! I am sorry for your loss, but please remember that funerals are for the living. If you know your presence would be disruptive or a distraction, pay respects to your niece privately, either before the ceremony or after her burial.
DEAR ABBY: I gave $600 to my nephew’s wife to buy a self-propelled lawn mower because they were borrowing their neighbors’. She gave me her word and promised to use it to buy the lawn mower. She also promised to take a photo of it and email it as proof.
Well, she spent the money and never bought the mower. Then she got my nephew to cover for her, making excuse after excuse about why they hadn’t bought it “yet.” Since they have run out of excuses, they now avoid the subject and are starting to avoid talking at all.
Should I say something to them or let it go? It’s not the money but the lying, covering up and treating me like I’m stupid that gets me. — GENEROUS IN MAINE
DEAR GENEROUS: If you would like to maintain a relationship with your nephew and his wife, drop the subject. However, now that you know they are not honest, resolve not to give them any more money.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
