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DEAR ABBY: My longtime boyfriend has been divorced for more than 20 years. Every year, his ex comes to stay at his house for a week or two and brings along another female friend. He caters to them, driving them around and entertaining them at restaurants, etc.
I am never included, even though I have expressed an interest in doing so.
Am I wrong in thinking this is disrespectful to me and for feeling resentful over having never been introduced to his annual houseguests? I include him when I have houseguests. — LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA
DEAR LEFT OUT: Your longtime boyfriend is acting like you are his guilty secret rather than his lady friend. (Is his ex aware that he has a girlfriend?) I can’t blame you for feeling disrespected and excluded.
Because this is an annual event, it may be time to consider taking a vacation of your own during the time your boyfriend will be AWOL.
DEAR ABBY: I am 76 and live in a great neighborhood. However, there are almost as many canines as there are houses. As a result, many of them are walked by my house at least twice a day. I like to go for walks in my neighborhood, but I’m afraid of dogs.
If I meet someone walking their dog, they usually want me to pet their dog. If I tell them I’m afraid of dogs, they often say I shouldn’t worry because their dog is friendly and would rather lick me than harm me. However, I don’t want to be licked either.
I’ve tried timing my walks to avoid these encounters, and I don’t want to drive elsewhere and waste gas to go for a walk. Suggestions, please. — SOLITARY STROLLER IN THE EAST
DEAR STROLLER: I do have a suggestion for you. Smile at the dog walkers and keep walking. That way, you will project friendliness but won’t be forced into an extended encounter that is unpleasant for you. It’s no sin to not want a licking.
DEAR ABBY: How do I ratchet down gift-giving? I am 80 years old. I have just about everything I want and far more than I need.
Yet, I have a daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law who lavish me with a half dozen or more gifts each holiday and birthday — books I will not read, clothes I will not wear, items I already have. All of them are new and not inexpensive.
I do not wish to cause a schism. Any suggestions on how to approach these ladies to suggest that, while it is nice to be remembered, one is enough? — STUFFED WITH STUFF IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR STUFFED: Talk to your daughter-in-law and sister-in-law individually. Tell them how grateful (and touched) you are that they are so generous with you, but explain that it is causing a problem.
You no longer have space for more things and, if they feel they must give you birthday and holiday gifts, you would appreciate it if they would donate the money to a charity of your choosing. It’s honest, and I’m sure the funds would be welcomed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
