Weather 
Caroline Vazzana doesn’t mind being called a square.
In fact, the over-the-top tastemaker wears the cheeky nickname like a badge of honor — especially when she wears her square-shaped denims.
“These cube jeans are just so fun and unique. They’re literally wearable art,” Vazzana, 33, a Big Apple fashionista, told The Post of her $745 “Square Voluminous Jeans” from Ukrainian designer Ksenia Schnaider.
The boxy bottoms — reminiscent of those donned by cartoon dandy SpongeBob SquarePants — come as the newest avant-garde garb to cause a coup in the world of couture.
Their emergence trails the release of equally outrageous gear, such as Kim Kardashian’s “Ultimate Bush” micro string thongs, the $5,000 “bizarre” balloon boots by Rick Owens, and, of course, the ever-controversial barrel jeans trend.
While barrel jeans give hips an “unflattering” roundish look, Schnaider’s edgy creations have the power to transform even the most curvaceous figure into a four-sided structure fit for a pizza pie.
Vazzana recently debuted the showstoppers to a combined online audience of over 36 million viewers — and God only knows how many gobsmacked passersby on the streets of SoHo.
The reactions ranged from dazzled to dismayed.
She received commendations from strangers — shouting “You look incredible!” — as she strutted through a crosswalk, as well as criticism from internet trolls who commented, “Oh God, WTF?” beneath her videos.
Both the cheers and jeers were flattering to the NYC siren, who says her to-the-max slacks are meant to evoke an emotion — be it positive or negative — from beholders near and far.
“The purpose of these jeans is to normalize clothes that aren’t normally considered everyday, wearable looks,” Vazzana explained.
She styled the odd togs with a vintage 1980s Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche green and blue floral print silk lavalliere blouse ($565), a Fendi baguette in metallic sequins ($5,900), and green Manolo Blahnik Hangisi pumps ($1,450). Vazzana also paired the extra-wide-leg pants with a pair of leggings, which helped keep her legs warm in the frigid cold.
“I wanted to wear these chic, wearable pieces with these big box jeans to create this jarring juxtaposition,” said the voguish visionary.
She admitted, however, that added dimensions to her frame made it slightly difficult to walk and to fit through the doorway of her favorite downtown café.
But sitting to enjoy a cup of coffee or to get into the back seat of an Uber was a piece of cake for the stylish trailblazer, who shrugs off the ragging from her haters.
“Fashion is supposed to be wacky,” Vazzana laughed. “It’s a fun form of self-expression.
“You can think outside of the box or, literally, inside of the box.”
Thinking “inside of the box” is Schnaider’s tagline for her unorthodox denims, which she and her husband, Anton, first conceptualized in early 2025.
“It was a pure experiment to us. How can we fit a curved body into a boxy silhouette? The question was a design challenge for my team,” Schnaider, 42, exclusively told The Post.
“We weren’t thinking people would actually wear them,” she chuckled. “We were so surprised that some people find the jeans interesting and playful.”
Playfulness inspired the peculiar pants — that, and Schnaider’s desire to strike a chord with her 14-year-old daughter, Zoia, an avid virtual world-gamer.
“The initial idea was to use Roblox, digital avatars, which are boxy, and recreate that look in the real world,” said the couturier for nearly two decades. “My daughter likes Roblox and Minecraft. So she was so happy to see my cube jeans.
“It was like the first time she was actually impressed by what her mom does [for work].”
And transforming the digitally-inspired duds into functional women’s fashion is an impressive feat for Schnaider and her team.
“Each pair of jeans are made-to-order. We need the exact hip and waist measurements of each customer in order to create an inner belt that will fit their bodies,” said the innovator.
The belt, made of thick black leather, gets threaded through a series of interior belt loops, which keeps the pants snug around the person’s midsection.
“To create the boxy silhouette, each pair of jeans comes with four flat, plastic rectangular sticks that go inside interior slats along the waistline of the jeans,” Schnaider continued. “The sticks are easily insertable and removable, so you can wash the jeans.”
But the blocky britches, made of 100% cotton, aren’t all the trendsetter has up her sleeve.
“We also offer a square hat, a square jacket, square tops, shorts and shoes,” said Schnaider, who premiered her oblong finery during last year’s Ukrainian Fashion Week. “It was during wartime. It was weird to show something so fun and playful in total darkness. But it was our way of escaping reality.”
A whimsical respite from the heaviness of life is the gift Schnaider wants to give the world.
“Fashion is all about playing with proportions, making the human body bigger or smaller, and helping people feel comfortable in their own skin in different ways,” she said. “Seeing people buying and wearing my work makes me very happy and proud.”
And Vazzana says she’s proud to bring that splash of posh positivity to her fellow New Yorkers.
“People were stopping me, asking to take pictures with me,” she raved about her outing in Schneider’s apparel. “One couple was like, ‘Oh my gosh! Who makes those? Can we touch them?’ Like, there was so much happy curiosity and excitement over these jeans.”
“That’s what fashion is all about,” said Vazzana. “It’s helping people see something that makes them think differently, that makes them smile.”
“Something that makes them stop in their tracks and say, ‘Whoa, that’s so cool!’”
