Mel Robbins on leaning in

Welcome to the world of Mel Robbins, the self-help powerhouse, where she and her staff greet all visitors with applause, hugs, and a name tag. “I just think it’s an important thing in life to really operate in a way where other people know that they matter, and that you go out of your way to make people feel seen. And name tags are one way you can do it,” Robbins said.

At 57, the married mother of three is definitely making a name for herself, with an international bestselling book, one of the most-listened-to podcasts, and a multi-media machine that spreads her motivational messages across the digital landscape.

Robbins said, “We have the singular person in mind, a person with no time, who’s waking up somewhere around the world, who just wants to feel better, wants to do a little bit better, wants their family to feel better and do better, and – I’m already crying!”

Why? “I think because we’re living in a moment in time where people feel very lonely and they’re very ovewhelmed for good reasons, and they feel disconnected from things that bring their life meaning, where research and science and facts are under attacks,” she said. “And so, to have created something in just three years that’s making a positive global impact one person at a time, that is humbling.

“When you see us dominating globally, that actually gives me hope that people are turning inward and looking for ways to empower themselves to feel good and do good,” Robbins said.

Is that why Mel Robbins is having a moment?

“I’m having this moment for a lotta reasons,” she said. “You know, one is just the compounding effect of 15 years of incredibly hard work. I think another reason is I’m obsessed with being useful and relevant to a normal person’s life. I think another reason is that, you know, we’re surrounded by so much negativity, and this is a free, very positive, very actionable, very applicable thing. And I think the final reason is simple. I have achieved all this later in life. I know what matters to me.”

So, how did this former lawyer – she’s not a licensed therapist – become a wildly popular guru of positivity and empowerment? For starters, she says she’s true to herself. “I, one-thousand percent, am the same person at my core,” she said. “What has changed is, I understand the reasons why I struggled.”

There’s been a lot of that for the Michigan native. Even though she was voted most likely to succeed in high school, Robbins said she had undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia. “And this went on until I was 47 years old,” Robbins said. “So even though I had a lot of anxiety, I now know, had I actually been treated with ADHD, I probably wouldn’t have had half the struggles that I had.”

She worked as a public defender and then in a law firm, before going into business with her husband, Christpher Robbins, ventures that failed, leaving them nearly a million dollars in debt. Robbins was 41, unemployed and bankrupt.

“So, rock bottom feels horrible,” she said. “You feel like you’re the only human being that has failed at life. And so, you isolate and you beat yourself up and you start drinking too much and you start screaming at the people that are trying to help you, namely your husband.”

“You were doing all of that?” we asked. 

“Oh, my God, yes. I was a walking bitch!” Robbins replied. “I mean, I just was angry and upset. I was afraid we would not get out of this. Stuck is the single most misunderstood human experience, and it is foundational to being a human being.”

She framed it as elemental: “When you’re thirsty what do you need?”

“Water.”

“When you are hungry, what do you need?”

“Food.”

“When you’re stuck, do you know what you need? Growth,” Robbins said. “If you feel stuck in your life, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means that what’s missing in your life is growth. And if I can get you to grow and learn in any area of your life, you start to change.”

And Robbins herself changed. She became a life coach, which led to a memorable 2011 TED Talk, “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over.” Then, the podcast and, in 2024, her blockbuster book. “The Let Them Theory.”

“The Let Them Theory is the single-fastest way to gain control in your life – to stop trying to control and change everybody else, and let them,” she said. “When you learn to just let people be who they are, you have this incredible thing happen: you recognize that probably, like me, you’ve been living your life in reverse. You’ve been pouring all your energy into things you can’t control, the number-one thing being other people, and you’ve lost sight of where all the power is, which is in focusing on the ‘let me’ part of the theory. Let me focus on what I think.“

So, how does “Let Them” only go so far? “People only change when they’re ready to change for themselves,” Robbins said. “You gotta let them have the dignity of their own experience. You gotta let them heal or get sober or get motivated on their own timeline. And you gotta understand the more judgment you bring, the more you’re delaying the possibility that it’s happening.

“The most important thing you can do,” she said, “is to let them be who they are, and be who they’re not, and then let me follow the science that works.”

Make no mistake: Mel Robbins is a profit-making endeavor – a media-mogul with sponsors, merchandise, even a line of protein drinks. “I feel like I’m a mother of three that lives in Vermont, that hosts a podcast,” she laughed. “Here’s what I love about what I do: I love the technology. I love the nuances. What makes you exceptional at something is paying attention to all the details that most people ignore and don’t understand are actually important. People tend to lean back because they’re afraid, and I have always leaned in.”

“Lean in” is exactly what she does, talking about pretty much everything. “Most of the advice I’m giving is the stuff that I’m learning from people that are smarter than me that it’s like, ‘Why did I not think about that?'”

And we mean everything, like her advice to have sex before you go out, rather than after coming home tired: “You’re bloated or drunk or you feel terrible or you’re exhausted,” she said. “This is the kind of thing you would share with a girlfriend on a walk. ‘Guess what? We started having sex before we go out. Now we’re having sex all the time. It’s absolutely amazing.'”

Yes, Robbins is having a moment, one she embraces, and hopes others of a certain age get to experience.

“I am so grateful all this happened late in life,” she said. “I am so grateful, because when you almost lose everything that matters – and let me tell you what matters: it’s not the crap that people are chasing. You’re never gonna see a hearse dragging a U-Haul to a cemetery. You’re not gonna take any of the stuff that you think is gonna make you happy to the grave with you. When life is over, and you’re near the end of your life, you’re gonna wish and hope, if you’ve done it right, that you’re surrounded by people that you love and that love you back.”

     
READ AN EXCERPT: “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins

    
WEB EXCLUSIVE: Extended interview – Mel Robbins (Video)

     
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Story produced by Gabriel Falcon. Editor: Jason Schmidt.