Weather 
No one goes there quite like Nikki Glaser.
While the comedian made major headlines in May 2024 for her epic set at The Roast of Tom Brady, which streamed live on Netflix, it certainly wasn’t the first time she came for some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Glaser was also a force at Comedy Central roasts for Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. She’s since given insight into how she prepares for the big events, revealing she practices her jokes at stand-up sets for weeks leading up to the taping.
Glaser took the same approach for the Golden Globes Awards, which she hosted for the first time in January 2025.
“I have I think nine shows between now and Sunday, because I want to keep testing out jokes and I want to keep getting the monologue in the [most] perfect place it can be,” Glaser told The Hollywood Reporter days before the ceremony. “Not every host does that. I’m lucky enough to be a comedian who can go and find these rehearsal spaces in front of a live audience, and I trust my audience members to not leak jokes or tell anyone. And we have enough jokes that even if they do, I’ll be OK.”
From Brady to Cybill Shepherd to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, keep reading for some of Glaser’s most savage jokes over the years:
Jewel
“Jewel is here, so as I call her, Trailer Swift. Jewel, I do not want to badmouth you since God already did. … Your teeth are like the Spice Girls, they’re all different colors and doing their own things.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Peyton Manning
“I love you in commercials. I’d say you’re the greatest of all time. You’re like the Tom Brady of commercials. Like, the greatest.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Rob Lowe
“Rob defies age … restrictions. God, I had such a crush on you when I was a little girl. If only I had known that’s when I had my best shot.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Martha Stewart
“Martha Stewart, shank you for being here . … I’m a huge fan and my mom is an even bigger fan. My mom has learned everything from Martha Stewart, including cooking, cleaning and withholding affection.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
“He’s so cute, so adorable. I bet you eat p****, but only with the crust cut off first. Isn’t that his look? Speaking of crusty p****, I’ll get to you in a second, Cybill.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Cybill Shepherd
“Cybill’s gorgeous. I’m, like, honored to meet her. Her résumé is insane — model, actor, singer. You name it, she’s f***ed it.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Bruce Willis
“Your daughters must be so proud of their father … Ashton Kutcher.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Caitlyn Jenner
“You are such an incredible athlete. People forget just how fast you once ran … from your first family to go be on a reality show. Seriously, I know being a new mom is hard, but even Casey Anthony knows the current location of her daughter.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Blake Griffin
“Blake, you look like a Black guy that got made by a printer running out of ink. Yeah. Chris Redd is here because Comedy Central wasn’t sure if Blake was Black or not.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Alec Baldwin
“Alec Baldwin, what an honor to be here roasting Justin Bieber‘s wife’s oldest, fattest uncle. I’ll never forget that voicemail when you called your daughter Ireland [Baldwin] a thoughtless little pig. It’s got to be one of the worst things you can call your daughter — after Ireland, actually. That name, yikes.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Kevin Hart
“No one works harder than this man. Do you know that every morning Kevin wakes up at 4 a.m. to make a s***ty movie? No, I love your movies. Or as I call them ‘short films.’ No, I’m kidding. I hate them. No, sorry, Kevin, I don’t mean to belittle you, but you ‘be little,’ man. Like, you’re a tiny guy. Kevin is 5-foot-2, 150 pounds. Um, 155 after The Rock finishes.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Drew Bledsoe
“But let’s get to the reason we’re all here tonight. Uh, Drew Bledsoe. ‘Drew bled so Tom could run.’ But I’m gonna move on from you, just like your team did after you almost died.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Tom Brady
“Tom Brady, five-time Super Bowl MVP, most career wins, most career touchdowns, you have seven rings. … Well, eight now that Gisele [Bündchen] gave hers back, but … Tom, the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said, ‘Hey, babe, you should try jiujitsu.’” (Roast of Tom Brady)
“I mean, you’re the best to ever play for too long. I mean … you retired, then you came back, and then you retired again. I get it. Hard to walk away from something that’s not your pregnant girlfriend. Hey. To be fair, he didn’t know she was pregnant. He just thought she was getting fat.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Rob Gronkowski
“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money.’” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Ben Affleck
While Affleck wasn’t present at the 2025 Golden Globes, Glaser gave him a shout-out in her opening monologue.
“Tonight, we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television,” she said. “Yes, Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch: These are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight.”
Diddy
The disgraced music mogul was also referenced in her 2025 Golden Globes monologue.
“Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune [2]. Oh, my God, I woke up for all of your scenes. You were so good,” Glaser told the actress. “And Challengers, girl? It was so good. I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card.”
She added, “Oh, I’m upset too. The afterparty’s not going to be good this year. But, we have to move on. A Stanley Tucci freak off just doesn’t have the same ring to it. No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.”
Benny Blanco
During the 2025 Golden Globes that January, Glaser congratulated Blanco on proposing to Selena Gomez one month earlier.
“Benny Blanco is here because of the genie who granted him that wish,” she quipped. “Man, lucky guy!”
Gomez was seen pointing up at the stage in response.
‘Saturday Night Live’ Monologue
After hosting SNL in November 2025, Glaser received backlash after telling a joke about sex trafficking in her monologue.
“I think I’m just paranoid and I think I’m just obsessed with slavery recently because every time you go … to a public women’s restroom and you sit in the stall, there’s always a poster on the back of the stall that’s asking you if you’re being trafficked,” she said. “They’re in every stall. They’re in every world language. The English is really tiny and it’s like, ‘You wish.’”
Glaser continued, “Men’s restrooms do not have these signs. I don’t know what signs you have? You have signs that are like, ‘Want a slave? Text Traffick to 69-69.’”
The comedian also shared that her younger friends were fearful about it.
“It’s really a big fear of being trafficked, mostly for Gen Z girls,” she said. “I have a lot of Gen Z friends that I bought … and they’re terrified. I don’t relate. I’m 41. That was not a fear of mine ever in my 20s. In my 20s, I just feared good old-fashioned rape. I didn’t think it would be a career. We didn’t think it was anything more than a ‘temp job’ on a frat house futon.”
Glaser relayed the feeling to relate to her younger friends who told her she was “good” since they felt “safer” when she was around because she looked like their “madam.” Glaser also made a reference to Ghislaine Maxwell, who was an associate of the late convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
Michael B. Jordan
Glaser gave a raunchy shout-out to the Sinners actor during the Golden Globes in January 2026 — with his mom in the audience.
“We can’t talk about movies without talking about Sinners,” she said. “I mean, Sinners single-handedly saved Warner Bros. for about a month, but still. Michael B. Jordan is nominated for Best Actor, so good, and in Sinners, [he] played two brothers.”
She added, “When I saw that, I was like, ‘Nikki-be-jerkin’ because that was awesome. I’m sorry, Michael. Why did I make that joke? [You’re here with] your mom. I should not have said that to you. That should have been [in] a DM. My mistake. I love you, you’re amazing.”
