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A Texas dad says his “blood starts to boil” if he’s required to play with his young kids for more than 10 minutes a day — but his shocking confession has been met with surprising support from other parents.
Justin Murphy, an author and businessman, made the admission in an X post, which has clocked up more than 18 million views since it was shared over the weekend.
“Am I just a monster?” the Austin-based dad asked at the outset of his lengthy missive, which has sparked widespread discussion about the unspoken anguish experienced by many modern fathers.
Murphy disclosed that he had multiple children, including a four-year-old son.
“It’s been 4 years since I became a father, and I’m beginning to fear for my soul,” the dad declared. “The truth is, I just don’t like being around kids for very long. Historically, this is not uncommon among fathers, but today it feels almost illegal. It’s causing me a lot of confusion and anguish.”
He went on to explain that he’d only like to spend between 70 and 140 minutes — or “roughly ten minutes each day, maybe 2x/day, taking breaks from work” — entertaining his children each week.
At the time of his writing, Murphy had just come inside after his son “begged and begged” for him to play catch in the street.
“I conceded, and with a smile,” he wrote. “I have no problem being a kind and loving father, the problem is only that I do not enjoy it.”
“For every single minute, on the inside, I just don’t want to be there,” the father further fretted about the play time with his son. “Then I feel guilty and absurdly ungrateful, and ashamed, when we’re done. I know that when he is a teenager, I’ll long to have these days back. I have all of this perspective rationally, and I’ve been very patient and steadfast trying to digest it.”
Murphy noted that all of his other dad friends claimed they felt “delight” when playing with their children, and ended his candid post with a question.
“Am I a terrible person? Or is my feeling within a certain range of historically normal and it’s modern parenting norms that are off?”
Surprisingly, other formerly frustrated fathers responded, saying they also felt that way when their children were young.
“Totally normal. You’re a good man,” one wrote. “It’s hard to be present in today’s world, and I felt similarly when my boy was young. It will change as they/you age. Take vacations where there is no service and really focus on the kids in planned packets to create lasting memories for them.”
“Infants aren’t very interesting to men — nor should they be,” another supporter stated. “Men are supposed to develop their intellects and their careers (and need the time and space to do so) to become something their children admire and aspire to be… Mothers do the early years nurturing. Just pull your weight.”
“10 minutes per day of true presence is all they need,” a third person posited. “Most of the time I’m with them I just want it to be over. I can’t wait until they are adults. There are certain types who love playing with kids. But it’s objectively exhausting and completely intellectually void. You are a perfectly normal dad in any other era. It’s just this modern day where we have to make our kids our life.
Meanwhile, one suggested that Murphy would be better off focusing on work or his own hobbies so that his children would grow up watching their father thrive.
“Kids turn out better when they see a father who does exactly what he wants and isn’t spun around by the needs of everyone else,” they declared. “Children’s quest for dopamine will have them chomping at the bit of something new every 15 minutes. You don’t need to be a slave to their jack rabbit impulses to the detriment to your own mood… This hyper-guilt parenting paradigm is cringe.”
However, others offered alternative advice, urging Murphy to look inward and reprioritize.
“It’s a matter of perspective. You say you prefer to be working or accomplishing something, implying that you think your work is more important than the drudgery of raising your own kids. You’ve got it backwards,” one said. “In terms of impact, the time you spend with your kids is likely to be more valuable to both you, them and society than whatever you do for work.”
“I guarantee you have nothing more important to do than be with your kid,” another detractor declared. “Whatever you think might be, you’re wrong… Rethink your life.”
