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Billie Lourd has reflected on the death of her mother Carrie Fisher nine years ago.
“It has been 9 years since my mom died,” Lourd, 33, wrote via Instagram on Saturday, December 27. “My daughter woke up earlier than usual this morning so we went outside together and she knowingly laid her little head on my chest. She looked up at me with her big soulful eyes and said ‘I love you mama’ and grabbed my face with her little chubby hands and kissed me.”
The American Horror Story actress shared that her daughter, Jackson Joanne, 3, greets her with a kiss “pretty much every morning.” (Lourd and her husband, Austen Rydell, also share a 5-year-old son, Kingston Fisher.)
“Dare I say, there is no better way to wake up and no ritual I love more,” she contended. “I told her how much her grandmomby would have loved her and she looked up at me and kissed me again.”
Billie spent the anniversary of Fisher’s 2016 death by watching her own father, Hollywood talent agent Bryan Lourd, run around with her kids “like 2 old souls that have known each other forever.”
“Watching my dad with my kids is one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known,” Lourd beamed. “The kind of joy that makes your face hurt because you can’t stop smiling, the kind of joy that makes you feel like your life is a movie you thought only existed in movies. But then you take a step back and realize that it’s better than any movie could ever be.”
In that special moment, Billie remembered thinking that “this joy wouldn’t be possible without my mom.”
“This joy only exists because she existed,” she realized. “So even though she is not physically part of this joy, she is part of the reason for it. Even though she is not alive she lives on through this joy.”
Carrie Fisher and Billie Lourd in November 2015. Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Billie acknowledged that her “grief takes on many shapes” but now she mostly feels “joy” that her children get to spend time with their grandfather.
“[My feelings] could and will change shapes multiple times throughout this day because grief is never just one thing but right now I am relishing in this bittersweet grieful joy,” she concluded. “As my mom wisely said, ‘Nothing is ever really over. Just over there.’ My mombys life isnt really over. Just over there — in my kids and in this joy I’m able to experience because of her. Thank you momby. I will never stop missing you.”
Fisher died on December 27, 2016, after suffering a cardiac arrest on a London-to-Los Angeles flight following the completion of a book tour in Europe. A coroner’s report determined that Fisher had cocaine, heroin, other opiates and MDMA in her system.
Compounding Billie’s grief, her grandmother — and Fisher’s mother — Debbie Reynolds died one day later from a blood vessel that ruptured and caused bleeding in her brain.
Billie looked back on her mother’s longtime struggle with addiction on what would have been Fisher’s 68th birthday in October 2024. (Fisher spoke openly about her experiences with bipolar disorder and drug addiction throughout her life.)
“I did everything in my power to help my mom get sober but sadly my mom couldn’t ever escape her addiction. But while she was alive she always shared the ups and downs of that struggle with others in hopes it would help them escape their own addiction,” Lourd explained via Instagram at the time. “As an addict, being open about the struggle is the only way through. And same goes for those of us affected by that struggle. Sending my love to anyone out there who has lost someone to drug addiction. You are not alone. ❤️”
More recently, Fisher opened up in March about her family’s legacy in the entertainment industry — and how she differs from both her late mom and grandmother.
“I’d say definitely the comedy is in the genetics. They were better at it than me. I can do a fair bit of tap dancing, not as good as … young Debbie Reynolds, but that’s also in the genes, although my mom kind of sucked at tap dancing,” she told People. “I’m a very distinct personality, definitely different from both of them. Well, it’s something you learn through generations. I think I’ve learned to balance my life and my work in a different way than they were able to do, and that was also a product of the times.”
Billie is perhaps best known for starring in Scream Queens and American Horror Story, as well as playing Lieutenant Connix in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, alongside Fisher.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
