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She has some tough words about gentle parenting.
A mom who says she accidentally raised “anxious, entitled, people-pleasing kids” says she confused “gentle parenting” for “permissive parenting” — and is now desperately trying to fix her mistakes.
Jaclyn Williams went viral after posting an Instagram video earlier this month with text that read: “I can spot ‘gentle parenting’ kids because I raised 2 of them… 10 years later… I’m having to undo it…”
In the caption, Williams said she once believed she was the poster parent for calm, conscious child-rearing.
“I validated every emotion, processed feelings extensively, explained every boundary, compromised on things, avoided harsh punishments,” she wrote. “I thought I was doing it right.”
Then her kids got older — and she claims the “gentle” cracks started to show.
One child became, in her words, “anxious about everything (even choosing a snack), insecure in their abilities, entitled (everything’s up for debate), [and] emotionally dysregulated.”
The other swung the opposite direction, turning into a chronic people-pleaser who swallowed their feelings and withdrew from everyone. The realization devastated her.
“I cried a lot,” Williams admitted. “I had tried SO hard to do everything right… to do things different from what I had growing up.”
That’s when she had her light bulb moment: the issue wasn’t “gentle parenting” itself — it was that she’d slipped into something else entirely.
“I wasn’t actually doing gentle parenting… I had slipped into permissive parenting without realizing it,” she wrote, adding that many well-meaning moms and dads make the same mistake.
Williams says she now practices authoritative parenting — the “research-backed” blend of “high warmth” plus “high structure,” meaning clear boundaries, firm limits and natural consequences instead of endless discussions.
And the results, she claims, came shockingly fast.
“Soon I saw: less anxiety over decisions, more confidence trying new things, less negotiating/entitlement and better regulation,” she revealed.
The video struck a nerve with parents across social media, many of whom wondered if “gentle parenting” had quietly morphed into a free-for-all in their own homes.
One commenter broke it down bluntly, saying: “Gentle parenting’ isn’t the same as permissive parenting. Gentle parents still hold hard boundaries.”
Another added: “Gentle parenting is simply not beating or yelling at your kids when you can’t handle them and I will stand by that. Doesn’t mean you’re letting them do whatever they want.”
Williams jumped into the thread to clear the air, defending her intentions: “There’s a REASON gentle parenting is in quotation marks… the point is to show how easily it is to slip into permissive parenting, especially when life happens.”
