The ultimate dating red flag detector is going dark — and some of the men it busted may be breathing a sigh of relief.
The wildly popular — and controversial — “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Facebook groups that helped women catch cheating boyfriends, expose alleged abusers and warn one another about potentially dangerous dates have stopped accepting new posts after four and a half years.
Founded in New York in 2022, the network grew to reach more than 10 million women across 250-plus cities worldwide—but not everyone appreciated having their dirty laundry aired online.
Some of the men exposed fought back with threats, lawsuits, and complaints to Facebook that administrators say contributed to the network’s downfall.
Founder Paola Sanchez announced plans to wind down the groups earlier this fall, citing unspecified “ongoing issues,” and promised to share more details later.
“I’ll write out a detailed explanation of all of the issues that led to this decision at a later date, once I have the energy to do so,” Sanchez posted on Wednesday.
In an Oct. 29 post, administrator Coraline Lotz clarified that existing posts would remain searchable and open to comments, but no new posts would be accepted — partly to preserve years of warnings after men allegedly discovered ways to get Facebook to delete the groups.
“The only way that this group would ever be fully deleted is if Facebook does it to us,” Lotz wrote, claiming two of the network’s largest groups had already vanished following months of “attacks.”
The Post could not independently verify those claims or determine how many groups have stopped accepting new posts.
Sanchez launched the original NYC group in spring 2022 on the heels of the viral “West Elm Caleb” saga, when multiple New York women discovered they had allegedly been dating—and ghosted by—the same furniture designer.
Months later came “Long Island Kevin,” a married man whose alleged dating escapades were exposed after women began comparing their encounters in a New York Facebook group, The Post previously reported.
The women-only forums became a place to post photos of potential dates and ask whether anyone had “tea” about cheating or other red flags.
And sometimes, those discoveries led to spectacular, hilarious takedowns.
In 2023, Florida woman Mikayla Miedzianowski went viral on TikTok after discovering her boyfriend had allegedly cheated through the group — and shared a video of herself drinking wine on his couch while he washed dishes, blissfully unaware she’d just learned about his infidelity. The video racked up millions of views.
Writer and chef Alissa Fitzgerald got her own reality check after two dates with a Welsh tech worker who said he was “intentionally dating” in search of a relationship.
She checked the group and found posts suggesting he was seeing at least a dozen other women.
“I don’t know what he thought intentionally meant, but 12 other women is too many,” she told The Post.
Cris, 35, of NYC, discovered her ex had allegedly been involved with at least seven other women during their relationship — and even befriended one of them.
“For the first time, I didn’t feel alone in the emotional trauma he had put me through,” she told The Post.
But the groups did more than bust cheaters.
In Oregon, information shared in one of the forums helped police investigate Nicholas Michael Donohue, 47, who pleaded guilty to coercion and domestic violence assault charges and was sentenced Nov. 4 to 70 days in jail and three years of probation.
The network also claims on its website that members helped expose Army Maj. Jonathan Batt, who was sentenced to 53 years in prison in 2025 for raping and assaulting multiple women.
Michele Smith, who shared her experience of sexual assault in one of the groups four years ago, said the response was overwhelming.
“The outpouring of support, the sharing of stories from other women, and even those praising me for coming forward were phenomenal,” she told The Post.
“All I wanted to do was share, so this person could not hurt anyone else. I am very sad they have shut down – it was the ultimate platform for women’s safety in the tricky online dating landscape.”
But as the group’s popularity grew, angry men pushed back, accusing members of spreading false claims and embarrassing them over bad dates.
In 2024, Chicago man Nikko D’Ambrosio sued Sanchez, Meta and dozens of others after a woman called him “very clingy” and accused him of flaunting his wealth and boasting about his “bad side.”
But his case was tossed in 2025, and he lost again on appeal in May 2026.
And some men took their frustrations directly to the women posting about them.
Fitzgerald said a man she posted about in Seattle accused her of doxxing him after a screenshot leaked, then allegedly bombarded her with threatening messages — even from a burner number.
Still, some members acknowledged the groups weren’t always fair.
“I think for the men, it can be a little unfair,” member Jene Sena told The Post. “Jilted women could post men that wronged them just to be vindictive.”
“Some friends of ours were posted who I know are not bad guys. There’s no moderating the truth, if that makes sense; it’s his word against hers.”
The shuttering comes at a precarious time, just when it feels like it’s 2016 all over again, with women banding together to feel heard against violence and assault.
For Fitzgerald, the loss is deeply personal.
“These groups offered connection and resources to women that we’ve never had before,” she said. “They were the best reality check for a guy’s actual intentions.”
For women who relied on the groups, the shutdown leaves a troubling question: Who’s looking out for them now?
