Photos by Sefanja R. Galon
By Britin Haller
The legendary detective Sherlock Holmes, created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, is similar to a theater critic in that Holmes’s job is to closely observe and ascertain nuances that may be missed by most; he prefers not to become emotionally involved (although he can and has!), and he tends to be brutally honest about what he sees and hears.
But unlike Holmes, we are not in the business of putting anyone under a magnifying glass, so to speak, and so let’s give the Main Street Players’ production of Ms. Holmes & Ms. Watson – Apt. 2B an A for effort.
Ms. Holmes & Ms. Watson – Apt. 2B is packed full of dialogue, and due to the enormous amount of lines, the pacing must be quick in order to get all of it in, in a reasonable amount of time. As a result, the show often feels like the Energizer Bunny times ten. It’s hard to keep up. But there’s no doubt the actors are giving their all, and their enthusiasm is infectious.
Playwright Kate Hamill burst upon the scene in 2014 and has since catapulted herself into fame by giving modern spins to classic literary characters. Ms. Holmes & Ms. Watson – Apt. 2B is one such creation. This is definitely not Conan Doyle’s Holmes and Watson. For one thing, they are women.
Joan Watson has arrived in foggy London, fresh from America and suitcase in hand. The time is the present or thereabouts. Looking for a flat and finding no good options, she stumbles onto the dumpy residence of Sherlock (don’t call me Shirley!) Holmes, a self-proclaimed “deductive consultant” who picks up immediately that Watson is a medical doctor despite her repeated denials to the contrary. Holmes refuses to live in the real world, or use the internet, preferring to solve her crimes with the art of observation.
Soon after Watson moves in, Scotland Yard’s own Inspector Lestrade turns up needing to pick Holmes’s brain in the murder of a married man found dead in a hotel bathtub, and while they’re on the case, Lestrade takes the opportunity to flirt with the recently divorced Watson. Enter the widow of the dead man, a blackmailed Texan running for a Senate seat, and a femme fatale that Holmes develops pants feelings for. What follows is two plus hours of outrageous madcap ludicrous nonsense. The only problem is, it’s not very funny.
Quinn Colon as Sherlock Holmes is a frenetically kinetic, intense, melodramatic, drug-induced jigsaw puzzle-loving bohemian. Colon is very talented and never misses a beat in this physically demanding and mentally draining role. The nun scene with the perfect Irish brogue is a highlight, and Holmes’s understandable crush on Irene is cute and predicated by their mutual The Art of War love language. The more they quote Hamlet to each other, the more turned on they get. Quinn Colon is perfect in this version of Sherlock Holmes you didn’t know you needed.
As Irene, the wicked honeypot with whom Holmes becomes infatuated, Danielle Zacarias fills the bill nicely. Zacarias also plays Holmes’s exasperated landlady, Mrs. Hudson, in what is quite a wig, and enjoys a nice moment as the widow who may not be all she appears to be.
Nick Valdes is having a great time, and it shows. He wears a few hats including Inspector Lestrade (the only London bobby with a gun!) and Texas Senate candidate Elliot Monk. Valdes entertains us during intermission using props, just generally acting silly, and twerking with the best of them. He’s a wonderful addition to the cast.
And then there’s Watson. The actress, Dina Lewis, plays her to the best of her ability, but Jane Watson is a drag and woefully out of place with her panic attacks, talk of the pandemic, and repetitive lines like “What the frig does that mean?” It’s also confusing why Watson repeatedly stares into the audience instead of making eye contact with Holmes. The character tends to bring down the fun including what should be a humorous scene with a dead body in a bathtub that falls flat – even though the choreography for it must be admired. But this is an issue with the script, and is in no way meant to reflect on Ms. Lewis who gives it her all.
Ricky J. Martinez doubles as the lighting designer and choreographer. His ominous lighting really enhances the mood, and his choreography moves are quite extensive and always impressive. There’s a sword, a broomstick, a corpse in a bathtub, a sofa, waltzing, and a long list of other synchronized actions that utilize a small area very effectively.
Thanks to the tremendous energy of the actors who bend over backwards (sometimes literally!), there’s never a dull moment, but because of its confusing jam-packed script, it often feels like Ms. Holmes & Ms. Watson – Apt. 2B doesn’t really know what it wants to be, and the ending comes across as simply preposterous.
So will Holmes and Watson continue to share a flat and learn to appreciate each other’s quirks, or will Watson’s threat to move out come to pass? Will Holmes learn to empathize, even a little, and will Watson not panic so much and start making eye contact? Will Holmes and Irene stay together, or do “flights of angels sing thee to thy rest?”
Subscribing to the theory there’s really no such thing as bad theater, go ahead and make your own deduction, but do it quickly while the game is still afoot at the Main Street Players’ stage. Arrive early to enjoy some spooky pre-show classical music. It’s elementary, my dear Watsons!
Britin Haller is a mystery author and an editor for Turner Publishing. Her latest short story “So Many Shores in Crookland” can be read in the 150th issue of Black Cat Weekly. Britin’s latest edit, a cozy mystery novel called Dumpster Dying is by Michelle Bennington and available where books are sold. Find Britin across social media.
Ms. Holmes & Ms. Watson – Apt. 2B runs through September 29 at the Main Street Playhouse, 6812 Main Street, Miami Lakes, FL; Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm, and Sundays at 2pm. Running time approx. 150 minutes includes a 15-minute intermission. General admission tickets are $30. Call 305-558-3737 or visit mainstreetplayers.com
